Skip to content
  • Essence GU
  • Beautycon
  • NaturallyCurly
  • Afropunk
  • Essence Studios
  • Soko Mrkt
  • Ese Funds
  • Refinery29
  • Celebrity
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Entrepreneurship
  • News
  • Shopping
  • Video
  • Events
  • Subscribe
Home • Relationships

20 Secrets to Better Sex

20 Secrets to Better Sex
By Essence · Updated October 28, 2020
01
Have More Sex

If you’re not quite satisfied, give it another go. There is no rule that says you can only have sex once or twice a day or night. If you’ve both got the energy to go another round, it can’t hurt. In fact, it can help. Sex raises the level of endorphins in the brain, so the more you have, literally, the happier it will make you.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
02
Tell Him You Want More

When it comes to sexual success, honesty is the best policy. If you like what he’s doing, but you haven’t quite achieved orgasm from it, let him know that. Faking it, won’t get you anywhere.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
03
Meet In Secret

There’s nothing like a super sexy, spur of the moment rendezvous. If you can pull it off, set a time to meet your lover at a location only you and he know. What you do there is your business, but we can guarantee you it will be a good time. (Note: Just remember to keep a low-profile and don’t get caught.)

20 Secrets to Better Sex
04
Watch a Sexy Film

Now, this won’t be everyone’s speed, but we have to tell you that watching an x-rated film together can entice and inspire your sexual desires. It can also provide great inspiration for what to try next.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
05
Watch Yourself Do It

Afraid to make a movie? We don’t blame you one bit! That said, what’s wrong with watching yourselves in the mirror? There’s nothing more erotic than watching each other achieve bliss.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
06
Get In Sync

Experts suggest trying yoga or tantra with your lover to help you get emotionally in sync with one another. This will boost both your libidos, promise!

20 Secrets to Better Sex
07
Make Your Fantasies Come Alive

Release your hottest fantasies from your minds and let them out in the bedroom. Try any and everything you always said you wanted to. Why not? Find a public bathroom with just enough room for two, or dress up as that naughty nurse. Don’t hold back!

20 Secrets to Better Sex
08
Wear Something Comfortable

The way you dress can and will affect your mood. If you squeezed into a super sexy outfit just for him, but you can’t breath or feel out-of-sorts wearing it, you both lose. To feel your sexiest you must dress your sexiest and most comfortable – even if it means slipping in to one of his t-shirts with nothing else. As long as you’re confident, he’ll love it.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
09
Play With Toys

You know that little “massager” you’ve been eyeing but are afraid to purchase? Don’t be. Using sex toys in bed with your lover can increase orgasm and help you to experience different types of orgasms. Now doesn’t that sound exciting?

20 Secrets to Better Sex
10
Make the Time

We get it. You’re married with kids and grueling work hours. With your focus on being a good parent it can be nearly impossible to find the time for sex. Here’s the thing. You must make that time — even if it means hiring a baby sitter and having “date night” at a nearby spa or hotel.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
11
Tease Him Via Text

Steamy text messages and emails will increase the anticipation of seeing later. If you can master turning each other on before you’ve even laid eyes on each other, the passion will be heightened when you do.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
12
Remove All Distractions

When we say all, we mean all. This means saying not to TV in the background, keeping the pets out the room, and if you have kids, making sure they’re in bed or being babysat.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
13
Get On a Schedule

If you’re distracted, you can’t focus on having the best sex possible. You know what days or times are less hectic than others. When you can, try to schedule “fun time” then so you’ll be at your best.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
14
Massage Down There

Massaging each others privates before or after sex can be extremely erotic. Focus more on a tantric massage and less on achieving orgasm.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
15
Lounge in the Nude

Plan a clothing optional weekend together where you both decide to go somewhere private like a resort or hotel and just spend hours upon hours together in the nude.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
16
Get On Top

Don’t be afraid girl, get on up there. This position gives you the most control and is the best way to get clitoral or g-spot orgasm. Take charge and enjoy!

20 Secrets to Better Sex
17
Make a Fantasy Box

You write down your fantasies on a little piece of paper and have him do the same. Put them in a box and agree that once a week you’ll pull something from the box and give it a try.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
18
Turn On Some Music

Break up an uncomfortable silence with a sexy slow jam to set the mood for love.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
19
Learn Your Body Language

Great body language and expressions can go a long way. Use your face and your motions to convey your enjoyment to each other when things are going well.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
20
Make Eye Contact

When you make eye contact while performing oral sex and during intercourse you’re able to gauge his responses and him yours. When you see what you’re doing is working, you can take notes on how to better please each other.

20 Secrets to Better Sex
21
Change Your Diet

If you’re not up for it, you’ll never enjoy it. If you have a poor diet it can affect your libido. If you find yourself feeling lazy during intercourse or too tired for sex altogether, it’s time to add more fuel foods to your diet.

20 Secrets to Better Sex