Skip to content
  • Essence GU
  • Beautycon
  • NaturallyCurly
  • Afropunk
  • Essence Studios
  • Soko Mrkt
  • Ese Funds
  • Refinery29
  • WeLoveUs.shop
  • 2026 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
  • Celebrity
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Lifestyle
  • Entrepreneurship
  • News
  • Shopping
  • Video
  • Events
  • Subscribe
Home • Relationships

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
By Essence · Updated October 28, 2020
Getting your Trinity Audio player ready…
01
Punishing the Messenger

The misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only trying to help them.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
02
Not Listening

The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
03
Adding Too Much Value

This is the “something to prove person.” The overwhelming desire to add their 2 cents to every discussion.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
04
Passing Judgement

The need to rate others and impose standards on them. Unless their name is Jesus, this is not a becoming characteristic.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
05
Making Destructive Comments

The needless sarcasm and cutting remarks that people think make them witty.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
06
Starting with NO, BUT, HOWEVER

I strongly encourage not surrounding yourself with these types of people. The overuse of these negative qualifiers which
secretly say to everyone that I’m right and you’re wrong.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
07
#winning Too Much

Ambition is fine, but if they need to win at all costs and in all situations, it’s not a good look.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
08
Telling the World How Smart You Are

The person that feels the need to show people they’re smarter than everyone thinks they are. Get away from them quickly (and as a breakup gift, send them a ticket to appear on Jeopardy).

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
09
Speaking When Angry

Using emotional volatility as a management tool never wins…just look at Scott Disick of Keeping Up With the Kardashians fame.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
10
Negativity

The need to share their negative thoughts even when not asked is distasteful.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
11
Witholding Information

The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others is manipulation…period.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
12
Failing to Give Proper Recognition

The inability to give praise and reward is just plain mean. Even Hitler handed out bonuses.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
13
Claiming Credit You Don’t Deserve

Just think Kanye at the 2009 MTV music awards…if they don’t deserve it, don’t even let them have it. It’s a bad sign when people overestimate their contribution to a success.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
14
Making Excuses

The need to reposition their annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse them for it.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
15
Clinging to the Past

The need to deflect blame away from themselves and onto events and people from their past; a subset of blaming everyone else.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
16
Playing Favorites

Failing to see that they are treating someone unfairly.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
17
Refusing to Express Regret
The inability to take responsibility for their actions, admit they’re wrong, or recognize how their actions affect others. Think Dick Cheney.
20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
18
Failing to Express Gratitude

The most basic form of bad manners.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
19
Passing the Buck

The need to blame everyone but themselves.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
20
An Excessive Need to be “Them”

Exalting their faults as virtues simply because they’re who they are.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love
21
I’m Here for You

You can contact me on Twitter anytime. Tune in to <a href="http://www.lctv.com/page/when-its-on/ target=_new>Dr. Drew’s new show “LifeChangers” this Friday to support my guest appearance.

20 Behaviors to Avoid If You're Looking for Love