Your girlfriends call you up and ask you to hang out with the them for dinner and drinks but then you get the same invite from your man. You choose your friends every time. If all of sudden you would rather stay busy attending something like a family celebration, cookout or board meeting instead of spending quiet time at home with your man, trouble is brewing.
Let’s face it, we all know an attractive man when we see one. However if you find yourself on the lookout everywhere you go, chances are your eyes are no longer fixated on the one you’ve chosen. Sit back and think about what qualities you’re missing in your current relationship that you’re trying to fulfill and go back to the drawing board with the one you’re with to see if you can find it there with a little honesty and sincere communication.
Every time an argument or disagreement arises, you are reminiscing over previous relationships and comparing the two. If you’re finding that you present man just can’t measure up to “what you used to have”, guess what? You may be the problem. Since we know that no two people are alike, your next relationship will never be exactly like the last. So celebrate the differences and make new norms with your present relationship realizing that change is good and making it better.
So when you first got together you were both excited about the direction you both wanted to go as individuals, but now when he mentions hitting a new milestone or making an achievement, you find yourself caring less. It could be that you resent the time he took from you to arrive at achieving this goal or you feel that he hasn’t been engaged at all in the relationship while focusing all his time elsewhere.
There was a time when you used to see his number show up on your phone and instantly get butterflies and goosebumps. This happened regularly as you continued to chat throughout the day. Now the calls have become few and far between, and when he does call, you look at the phone and send it directly to voicemail. If you picked up, what is it that you’re avoiding? Dead silence? Hearing the same issues over and over? Talking about subjects he’s passionate about that you’re not remotely interested in? A relationship without communication is headed nowhere fast. Don’t avoid it. Delve in straight on and try to talk the about some solutions before it’s too late.
The age old question for couples is always “How was your day?” That interaction used to be interesting and filled with details where you both were listened intently or gave your opinion. But now days and even weeks or months are going by in silence where you’re no longer included in what’s going on for the other portion of the day that you’re apart, which most often constitutes at least half of a given day. If you two are losing touch, start by making sure your answer gives more detail and usually he will follow.
Large portions of the day or night are unaccounted for and he can’t be reached. We’re not talking about calling every second of the day while he’s in a closed meeting at work. We’re talking about the time that used to be available to you is always filled now with some other mysterious event or even worse he just disappears regularly.
Everything was on and poppin’ during that “honeymoon” stage, but now you dread him coming near you when it’s time to go to bed. He’s not mentioning anything at all about sex for extended periods of time. The worst thing you could possibly do is ignore it and act like the problem doesn’t exist. Take a deep breath and be open to having a very candid conversation about the lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship, asking first what you can do to help bring the sparks back into the bedroom. Keep an open mind here.
We know that once you’ve been together for a while, it can become difficult to get out as much as you used to due to the addition of work, children, financial responsibilities that need to be met, etc., and if it’s not intentional, dating can very easily just fade away. But it’s not too late to institute a new dating schedule. If it’s met with a huge amount of opposition when the road has already become rocky, there is probably more to this than meets the eye.
He used to work a 9-5 schedule, but for months now he has been working late on various projects that have no expected timeframe you can follow. Sometimes this does happen in a person’s schedule. However, there are often times that this is used to confuse the other party and allow for a more flexible schedule to foster an outside relationship. If you become inundated with additional projects at work, make sure you are even more transparent and available to your partner to offer an additional layer of comfort so they don’t have to worry or think up things that are not there.
All relationships are going to have disagreements merely because there are two different personalities, opinions, values, and sets of DNA trying to get along. But if there becomes a pattern of arguments where there just seems to never be any resolution or willingness to work it out, someone is becoming disengaged. Try your best to be as transparent as possible to allow your man to really get to know you on a deeper level. It may not be as comfortable at the time, but at least he will continue to accurately learn how to love you.
If any of these signs have resonated with you, it‘s worth having a larger conversation with your mate sooner rather than later. Don’t just sit there in silence hoping things will improve on their own. The faster you seek resolution by first offering ways that you help, the faster you can get back to enjoying a healthy, loving relationship which is what we’re all rooting for in the end.
Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking is an exclusive agency of "heart hunters" led by The Matchmaking DUO™ (Kelli Fisher & Tana Gilmore). They provide matchmaking services personally designed to accommodate busy, successful professionals who are seeking long-term love. They pride themselves on giving their clients a lot of what they want, and even more of what they need. For more advice from them visit their site or follow them on Facebook or Twitter.
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