Jealousy and curiosity within a relationship can sometimes lead to sneaky behavior you’re not proud of. It all starts with a suspicion in your mind that won’t let you rest until you find out if it’s true. That’s when you begin to think of all the ways you can investigate the one you’re with, whether you should be or not. Before you succumb to the urge to check his texts or stalk his Facebook page, please read this first.
When it’s just you and the mirror staring back at each other, you must ask yourself, “Am I living a trustworthy life?” “Do I have multiple men calling and dating me several times a week?” If the answer is “yes,” then the pot is calling the kettle black. We suggest you pause until you’ve both redirected your focus on an exclusive relationship.
Has he proven time and time again that he is a man of his word? He promised to call at 9p.m. and he did. He made plans to take you out on Friday at 7p.m. and he was there early to pick you up. These are great signs that he is a man of his word and he can be deemed responsible and trustworthy.You may just be worrying too much or carrying baggage from a previous relationships. Every new relationship deserves a clean canvas.
Most men are tempted, but there are some who have real struggles in the area of being faithful when it happens. Let’s face it, men are naturally visual creatures. They will look at a pretty face, hourglass figure or a dazzling hairstyle with a twinkle in their eye, but are they disrespectful about it? If you can hear his mumble and comment about her or if he won’t stop staring even in front of you, there might be concern that being faithful is a real challenge for him. If he can’t control it in front of you, more than likely, he’s certainly not controlling himself away from you.
You’ve been working on cracking his password for three days and you finally figured it out. You’re in, yes! But, now what? Are you prepared for the information you may uncover? Ask yourself “what am I going to do with this information?” If your answer is nothing, then why bother? You have to be willing to be held responsible for breaking his trust and be prepared for him to redirect the issue back to you. It’s inevitable.
When an opportunity to stray from the relationship presents itself does he share with you? Does he ask you to keep him accountable? (Yes, this still happens!) When a man wants to be forthcoming and has intentions of doing the right thing, he will want to share with you that he is a “work in progress” and has made some huge strides. You’re probably asking, “why should he get praise for that?” The reason is, obviously it’s been a problem in the past and he is diligently working on it and wants you to be abreast of his efforts to stay faithful. He wants you to believe he’s committed to change.
One thing we hear over and over is that a man loves a confident woman. He loves a woman who is comfortable with her body, embraces her femininity, and can effectively communicate her needs and concerns with a solution. From what we have learned and experienced, some men will push the envelope if you let them. If you are docile and timid that is exactly how some will treat you and the level of respect will be evident. We suggest, you have your own life with hobbies and interests and include him as often as possible but not base your entire existence around him. It builds trust, keeps things interesting, gives him more to love about you and ultimately keeps him on his toes.
Chances are if he is not thinking about who’s calling him when he's with you you have his undivided attention. He is most likely confident of where your relationship stands and not concerned about what’s going on outside of the four walls in which the two of you are in. Great sign! But if he’s always running for his cell phone when you come around or turning it off as soon as he walks in the door, there may be a problem.
Is he pro-marriage and relationships or is he the type who doesn’t seem settled yet and is still seeking something else? Our minds sometime convince us that we don’t want to miss a greater opportunity so we keep certain doors opened. This is why some gamblers lose money because even though they’ve won a small sum, they’re not satisfied so they risk it all for the chance at the big score. It’s a natural instinct and some can control it while some cannot. In these cases, you may never win and you may never trust him to be content. We encourage you to pay attention to the behaviors and the feeling in your heart of when it’s the right time to invest in the relationship or walk away.
Are you fulfilling each other’s needs? Are their any complaints about anything that either of you keep replaying like a broken record that haven’t been addressed or changed? Look back over the last several arguments you had and ask yourself, “What are his chief complaints about me and what are mine about him?” If these complaints are repetitive, there should be concern. Often times we hear from coaching couples that one will go outside the relationship rather than addressing the concerns. Remember, they may not be valid complaints to you but if you keep hearing them, it may be his reality. Take ownership of what the concerns are and if the relationship is valuable to you, make the necessary adjustments.
So the two of you have agreed that you’re in an exclusive relationship and he posts frequently. Has he accepted your friend request? Is he tagging you and are you tagging him? Are you both allowing each other’s posts on your timeline? Does he include photos of the 2 of you and vice versa? Or have you not approached the subject because you are unclear of how he would respond? His disposition on social media is a clear indication of whether he wants the world to know that he’s in a relationship and clearly defines whether or not he has anything to hide.
Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking is an exclusive agency of "heart hunters" led by The Matchmaking DUO™ (Kelli Fisher & Tana Gilmore). They provide matchmaking services personally designed to accommodate busy, successful professionals who are seeking long-term love. They pride themselves on giving their clients a lot of what they want, and even more of what they need. For more advice from them visit their site or follow them on Facebook or Twitter.