America has been glued to the recent and unfortunate near death experience of Lamar Odom and there have been immense discussions about the emotional support his estranged wife Khloe Kardashian and her family have provided him during this tough time. In our opinion, this is a true testament of her love and support. Could this catastrophic event pull them closer together and allow them a second chance? Maybe. How many times have you reminisced about rekindling things with your long lost love? We want to help you go back and get your man! Here are 10 steps we recommend to prepare for your “relationship DUOver.”
Be sure your list is valid. The fact that you just can’t envision your future without him is a clear sign that you have not gotten over him and realize that the relationship wasn’t all that bad. In fact, you have started your list of pros and it certainly out weighs the cons.
You’ll also need to do the work to course correct your behavior and actions- After a break-up, we often point the finger at the other person and don’t take time to look in the mirror to identify our fault in where things went wrong. We encourage you to begin working on those things through personal reflection, counseling, coaching or spiritual transformation.
Depending on how long it’s been since your breakup, know that it could be possible that he has moved on and started dating other people. Just remember it’s ok to let him know you’ve had a change of heart but tread lightly and respect boundaries.
This may be one of the most important conversations you will have in your life with a lot riding on how you deliver this information. Make sure your tone (soft and sincere) and body language (open, inviting and arms unfolded) is right and be prepared to do more listening than talking initially without becoming defensive.
Start out with a phone call to do a temperature check and then ask for a face-to-face meeting at a place where you can speak freely without interruptions. We don’t recommend either of your homes because we don’t want the opportunity to have emotional intimacy/sex and not focus on the facts.
Start out with dates where team building is encouraged. Perhaps rock-climbing or a cooking class. This will force interaction with the two of you and allow you to rebuild trust and depend on each other again.
If you say you’ve forgiven each other for the past, it’s really important to try your best to open your heart to the possibility that things will be different this time. This becomes really difficult especially when disagreements arise and tensions are high because it’s easy to revert back to bringing up “how he used to be.” Establish in your mind where you will draw the line and keep things above board by staying in the present and the future as much as possible.
Remember this process is a marathon not a sprint and may not happen as quickly as you had hoped. Just because you have arrived at the point where you can forgive and forget, he may still be really hurt especially if you were the cause or the one who broke off the relationship. Sometimes coming back into someone’s life with a quick, “I’m Sorry” just isn’t enough so be prepared to invest the time to show him that you’re a changed person.
If the two of you decide to get back together, let your goal be to make things better than they were before with the things that are in your control. If his main complaint was that you didn’t seem serious, schedule more time to spend together and let him know from time to time how important he is to you. Remember you’re not trying to get back to the way things were, you’re looking to have a new and improved version of what the two of you once shared.
So what happens if for some reason you reach out to him and he’s either taken or not interested in trying again? Yes it may be hurtful, but the great part is that you’ll be able to move on at peace knowing you gave it a try and you can take all of the lessons you learned from that relationship and make the next guy the happiest man on earth.
Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking is an exclusive agency of “heart hunters” led by The Matchmaking DUO™ (Kelli Fisher & Tana Gilmore). They provide matchmaking services personally designed to accommodate busy, successful professionals who are seeking long-term love. They pride themselves on giving their clients a lot of what they want, and even more of what they need. For more advice from them visit their site or follow them on Facebook or Twitter.