• Celebrity
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Women in Music
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
  • Fashion
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion House
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Color Files Podcast
    • Nails
    • How-To
    • Beauty Carnival-Archive
    • Dope Stuff On My Desk
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weaves
    • 4C
    • Spring Hair And Beauty
  • Love
    • Love & Sex
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Lifestyle News
    • Build Your Legacy
    • Coronavirus: Everything You Need to Know
    • Health & Wellness
    • Holiday Gift Guide 2020
    • Unbossed Podcast
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
    • Currency Conversations
  • News
    • Latest News
    • BLACK VOTES MATTER
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Videos
  • Events
    • WELLNESS HOUSE: YEAR OF RENEWAL
    • LEVEL UP: Entrepreneur Summit (DEC 2020)
    • Power Tools
    • SHE GOT NOW
    • Girls United Summit
    • Making Moves Now: Virtual Bootcamp
    • #EF SESSIONS
    • Dear Black Men
    • Cares Act
    • News & Announcements
  • Festival
  • Subscribe
  • Essence Studios
  • Girls United
  • NaturallyCurly
  • Shop Essence

Follow Us

Skip to content
  • Essence Studios
  • Girls United
  • NaturallyCurly
  • Shop Essence
  • Celebrity
    • Celebrity
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Women in Music
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
  • Fashion
    • Fashion
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion House
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Beauty
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Color Files Podcast
    • Nails
    • How-To
    • AVEENO® Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
    • Beauty Carnival-Archive
    • Dope Stuff On My Desk
  • Hair
    • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weaves
    • 4C
    • Spring Hair And Beauty
  • Love
    • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Lifestyle
    • Lifestyle News
    • Build Your Legacy
    • Coronavirus: Everything You Need to Know
    • Health & Wellness
    • Holiday Gift Guide 2020
    • Netflix’s Jingle Jangle Gift Guide
    • Unbossed Podcast
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
    • Currency Conversations
    • Your Legacy
  • News
    • News
    • Latest News
    • BLACK VOTES MATTER
    • Essence 50th Anniversary
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Videos
  • Events
    • Events
    • WELLNESS HOUSE: YEAR OF RENEWAL
    • LEVEL UP: Entrepreneur Summit (DEC 2020)
    • Power Tools
    • SHE GOT NOW
    • Girls United Summit
    • Making Moves Now: Virtual Bootcamp
    • #EF SESSIONS
    • Dear Black Men
    • Cares Act
    • News & Announcements
  • Festival
  • Subscribe
Home · Relationships

10 Signs You're Settling for the Holidays

10 Signs You're Settling for the Holidays
By · December 12, 2011October 28, 2020
01
He Embarrasses You

When it comes to relationships, our friends and family sometimes give us the worst advice — ever. But, if they’re all saying the same thing about your man, listen! When you’re in conversation with them and find you frequently have to rationalize his shortcomings, you could be settling.

He’s overcome a lot…He’s going through a rough time…He didn’t have good role models. These aren’t good excuses!

02
You’re Irritated

When you first fall in love, most people only see the best in each other. As a matter of fact, in the early stages of a relationship, we psychologically project our best qualities onto our partner. If you’re having a hard time seeing their best because only their worst screams out at you, watch out! “The little stuff” will only multiply and magnify with time.

03
You Want to Escape

Shopping, alcohol, television, and movies are all modes of escapism many of us turn to often. Just to be clear here, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with any of these. But if you are filling your free time with these activities, you may want to consider just what it is you are trying to escape from.

04
You Dream of Other People (AKA the Idris Test)

This one is pretty straight forward. If you think about Idris Elba more than you think about your man, you’re not in the right relationship. Case closed. Idris is a fantasy, your relationship is real life. You should be happy with your reality.

05
You Wish the Time Away

Can’t wait until he leaves so you can get some work done? Hoping he doesn’t call tonight because you’d rather watch Dancing With The Stars? The bottom line is that when you love who you are with you don’t wish time away. If anything, you wish you had more time with them.

06
You Get Jealous (A Lot!)

Do you ever find yourself feeling jealous over the relationships your girlfriends have with their significant others? Perhaps you say to yourself, “I wish my man would do that for me.” There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your relationship, but if you find yourself wishing you were living in another woman’s shoes, it is not a good sign.

07
You’re Overlooking Things

Let me first say, I’ve seen some ridiculous “non-negotiable” lists written by single women. It’s all good to have preferences but a non-negotiable should be directly tied to your health and happiness. That said, if for example: you’ve always wanted to have babies and he doesn’t, that’s a non-negotiable and you can’t ignore that! If you’ve told yourself he “may be as good as it gets," you are settling.

08
You Feel Behind

Do you hear the proverbial biological clock ticking away? Is it telling you, “girl, you don’t have much time left”? Don’t listen! It’s easier to lower your standards when you believe the only alternative to the situation you’re in is a lifetime of loneliness.

09
You Find it Hard to Get Out of Bed

In the early stages of a relationship, waking up in the morning should be fairly easy. Why? Because you look forward to being with your loved one.

Psychologically speaking, people in love have an intense craving for union. If all you want to do is go back to sleep when your alarm goes off, it means you either had a long night or you’re not motivated about going through your day, and your lover isn’t an important enough enticement to change that.

10
You’re Questioning Your Judgement

I tell my clients all the time, if you have to question whether you’re settling, you’re settling.

11
I’m Here for You

Have questions or comments? I want to hear about it! You can find me on Twitter or Facebook any time.

Read More

Health & Wellness
Why The Black Community Should Double Down On Science Right ...
Fashion
Shop Now: Winnie Harlow Stars In New Sneaker Campaign With PUMA
Lifestyle
Teachers Find Ways to Release the Pressure During the Pandemic
Beauty
Mary J. Blige Has Teamed Up With Gold Bond To Celebrate Blac...
News
No Charges for Officers Involved in Daniel Prude’s Death 
COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2021 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now