Despite the title, this article isn’t about men. It’s about YOU. When you’re dating, it’s your personality that’s always on display. If you’re looking for love, you owe it to yourself to make sure that this reflection is on par with what you truly desire in a man. As you search for a partner who meets your needs, consider this list of qualities men find most relatable in women.
It is imperative that you first be real with yourself about what you are looking for and then relay that message to the men in your lives. This alleviates confusion and can keep you from hearing the “I didn’t know you wanted to be exclusive” excuse later on down the line. Be open about your wants, needs and desires. Save the fairy tales for the movies and deal with reality when it comes to your heart.
Setting standards is easy in comparison to keeping them. It’s all fun and games until that Idris Elba lookalike approaches. Be firm and do not lower your standards or reduce your expectations for any man. Stay in control. “This is your world, shape it or someone else will” [Gary Lew].
Who must I be to be with you? Your ability to answer that question will determine not only who enters your life but also who stays. There is nothing wrong with being frank regarding your expectations. In fact it’s criminal not to be. But in this case the crime you commit is against yourself. So do your heart justice and raise your level of expectations and watch your life flourish as a result.
In my adult life, I can confidently say that 90-percent of the women with whom I have had sexual relations never asked me about a condom. They seemed to leave that option up to me as they lay naked and vulnerable. I pray that this isn’t you I’m describing. AIDS and other STDs are spreading through Black communities at an alarming rate and women are often being affected and infected the most. You only get one body. Please be sure to treasure it.
A confident woman shines like a light on a hill. But the lack thereof cannot be hidden. It starts and ends with you. It is about what you think of yourself. Self-confidence will keep you from seeking validation from a man. Remember a man will see you how you see yourself.
Many confuse “like” with respect. In fact, some women want men to like them more than they want them to respect them. It’s easy for a man to like a woman who is agreeable with his agenda; whatever it may be. Respect must be earned, and it isn’t cheap. It is paid for with the standards that you put in place. Most people want the finer things in life. Respect is as good as it gets.
Any man that will ever be worth your while will be attracted to your desire to want and be more. Your need for achievement will either excite or indict those in pursuit of you, helping you sift through the dating pool efficiently. Only an insecure man will frown upon your goals and want your life to revolve solely around him. Ambition is a force that propels you forward, and when in motion, will attract men progressing just as you are. Keep moving.
Its fine to want a man but when you get to a place where you feel that you need one, you should start to worry. A man can sense desperation, and when he does, he will either walk away or pounce. It’s a dangerous thing to deem a man’s attention and affection more valuable than the personal standards you have put in place. When the wrong man gets the sense that you need him he will give you hell. You need to quote your inner Angela Bassett, and tell him “Don’t think you’re special. You may be cute, but not special”.
Standards are everything. They create a benchmark for your heart; the criteria a man must meet in order to gain access into your life. If these aren’t in place, what and whom you get is on you. Your standards are your measuring stick, and they help you to ward of those who fail to measure up and to remain open to those who do. We men know when they are present and when they are not, and we take note.
Let’s talk some more. Keep up with me on IfMenAreDogs.com or find me on Twitter.
