You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
My husband does not want to have sex anymore. The first excuse I got from him was that he is always too tired, and that we go to bed too late. So, I started going to bed earlier, but nothing changed. The new excuse is that he has no desire to have sex. I don’t know what to do anymore. I need to have sex, but he won’t have sex with me. I think it’s me and he no longer wants me, but just won’t tell me. He says he has no desire. What if I were to get another woman involved? If he were interested in her and got his desire back that would prove his problem lies with me, and then I would have my answer and could move on. Should I do it?
When your husband does not want to have sex with you for no apparent reason, you deserve more than excuses. After you took away his first excuse, his second excuse has made this more difficult to dismiss. A loss of sexual desire is not unusual, but often very difficult to talk about. The problem is that you are questioning if his loss of sexual desire is only with you. That is a very good question and a real possibility that you must be willing to deal with.
Anytime you think about bringing another women into your marriage, and in your bed in particular, you are playing a high risk and desperate game. Do you really want to play that game and go that far? The fact that you are considering this suggests that you do not trust or believe what your husband is telling you. It is time for you to have a long honest conversation with your husband. Sex plays a major role in marriages and most relationships. When something goes wrong in this area, women often think it is about them and something that they need to do. This is not always the case. Your husband may indeed have a loss of interest in sex. This is usually connected to a physical and/or emotional issue. It is recommended that your husband has a physical examination if he continues to insist that the problem is a loss of interest in sex. Either way, it is time for the line of communication to be opened in your marriage. I recommend that you and your husband receive marital therapy. You are the only one that can decide if your marriage is worth having and fighting for. – Dr. Sherry
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