The death of Nipsey Hussle was undeniably one of the darkest moments of 2019. Fans, friends and family filled the Staples Center arena in Los Angeles to pay their respects to the slain rapper, who was gunned down in front of his Marathon Clothing store on March 31st. As we’re entering a new year and decade, Lauren London reflects on starting this new chapter without her longtime love.

London paid tribute to the late rapper while ringing in the New Year. In a touching Instagram story post, she writes, “2019 changed the rest of my life. My existence shifted. Half of me is in heaven, and the other half is here to pick up and continue.”

BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA – NOVEMBER 04: Nipsey Hussle and Lauren London attend Private Birthday Dinner For Author/Social Media Star Karen Civil at Louis Vuitton Rodeo Drive on November 4, 2016 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Unique Nicole/Getty Images)

She continues: “Things will never be the same, but every day I still wake up and pray. Lord, use me. Long Live, Ermias.”

London also reflects on this day exactly one year ago, where she attended a New Year’s Eve celebration with Nipsey. “Last year NYE. Hussle and Boog,” she captioned the picture.

At his memorial service in April 2019, the Games People Play actress read a heartfelt text message she sent the rapper before his death. “Ermias, I want you to know that I feel joy in my heart when I am around you,” it read. “I feel safe around you, protected, like a shield over me when you are around. You’ve made me into more of a woman. You’ve given me the opportunity to really love a man. I wouldn’t want to go through this journey with anyone but you … I just want you to know that you have been the greatest boyfriend to me.”

As promised, Lauren London is continuing the marathon in a major way. The Los Angeles native partnered with PUMA for their “Forever Stronger” campaign. In the advertisement, London recites a poem honoring Nipsey, written by his sister Samantha Smith.

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We’re hoping 2020 ushers in peace and comfort for London, Nipsey’s children and family.