• Celebrity
    • Of The Essence
    • Celebrity News
    • If Not For My Girls
    • The State Of R&B
    • Time Of Essence
  • Fashion
    • 2023 Best In Black Fashion Awards
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • Red Carpet
    • Fashion News
    • Accessories
  • Beauty
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
    • 2023 Best In Black Beauty
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Hair
  • Lifestyle
    • Love
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Bridal Bliss
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
  • Entrepreneurship
    • Power 40
    • Money & Career
    • SOKO MRKT
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Shopping
    • Essence Holiday Gift Guide 2023
  • Video
  • Events
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK CULTURE, COMMUNITY AND CONSCIOUSNESS MEET

Sign up for ESSENCE Newsletters the keep the Black women at the forefront of conversation.

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
Select the newsletters you'd like to receive:
Please select at least one option.
By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Of The Essence
    • Celebrity News
    • If Not For My Girls
    • The State Of R&B
    • Time Of Essence
  • Fashion
    • 2023 Best In Black Fashion Awards
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • Red Carpet
    • Fashion News
    • Accessories
  • Beauty
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
    • 2023 Best In Black Beauty
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Hair
      • Hair News
      • Natural
      • Relaxed
      • Transitioning
      • Weave
      • 4C
  • Lifestyle
    • Love
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Bridal Bliss
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
  • Entrepreneurship
    • Power 40
    • Money & Career
    • SOKO MRKT
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Shopping
    • Essence Holiday Gift Guide 2023
  • Video
  • Events
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home • Love & Sex

Opinion: Not Every Father With A Daughter Is A #GirlDad

That distinction is reserved for those who are actively working to dismantle forces that seek to place limits on what girls can do and who they can become.
Opinion: Not Every Father With A Daughter Is A #GirlDad
TAGUIG, PHILIPPINES – JANUARY 28: A giant mural of former NBA star Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna, painted hours after their death, is seen at a basketball court in a slum area on January 28, 2020 in Taguig, Metro Manila, Philippines. Bryant, who is hugely popular in basketball-obsessed Philippines, perished in a helicopter crash on January 26, 2020 in Calabasas, California. He died together with his 13-year-old daughter Gianna and seven others. (Photo by Ezra Acayan/Getty Images)
By Candice Benbow · Updated December 6, 2020

It has been more than a week since a helicopter crash claimed the lives of NBA legend Kobe Bryant, 41, his 13-year-old daughter Gianna and seven others. To lose Kobe so horrifically and so soon doesn’t make sense. 

As reflections and tributes poured in, people somehow found language to articulate our collective pain and disbelief. Perhaps one of the most powerful came from ESPN anchor Elle Duncan as she reflected on the first time she met Kobe. Duncan shared that Kobe was elated to learn she was pregnant with a baby girl. Kobe loved being a girl dad to his four daughters and, though painful, there was consolation found in knowing his final moments were spent fiercely loving and protecting Gianna.

Opinion: Not Every Father With A Daughter Is A #GirlDad
Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images

Duncan’s reflection, accompanied by hashtag #GirlDad, went viral with fathers and daughters posting moments together. In a moving tribute to Kobe and his beloved Gigi, the photos and videos reminded us of the joy found in the daddy-daughter bond.

"I would have 5 more girls if I could. I'm a girl dad."@elleduncanESPN's story about how much Kobe loved his daughters is something special. pic.twitter.com/1KJx17QRjY

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) January 28, 2020

Yet, no matter how beautiful it was to see #GirlDad trend, it was hard. For many women, it was accompanied by the sting that we were not raised by girl dads. For whatever reason, our fathers chose to abandon their responsibilities. Attending high school with my older half-brother, I painfully endured seeing my father at his games while he moved through life as if I never existed. Thinking of how well Kobe’s daughters and so many other daughters around the world are loved can be hard and, collectively, many daughters of absent fathers felt that weight each time they scrolled past a girl dad post.

Parents are supposed to be there for their children and, no matter how old that child is, a parent’s absence will always be an open wound. While many of us are hurting for the daughters who lost their fathers in that tragic accident, we are also pained by the reality that many of our fathers are alive and choose to be dead to us. Grief is complicated in that regard and loss has a way of amplifying other losses. #GirlDad was a painful reminder of what many already don’t have and being without it isn’t their fault.

Article continues after video.

Then, there were the girl dad posts that were absolutely confusing. Necessary side-eyes were given to the fathers some know are deadbeats who refused to be left out of the moment. Then, I saw so many others don the sacred title of girl dad who are simply not that. Yes–they have daughters and they may even be an active presence. But they are not girl dads.

When Kobe proudly identified as such, it wasn’t just because he was the father of four girls. It was because he was actively working to make the world better for his daughters and other girls. It went beyond his commitment to youth sports and the WNBA. It was evidenced in his meeting with Black Lives Matter and women’s rights activists to learn how he could use his platform to amplify necessary causes. It was evidenced in his interviews where he joked about being outnumbered in his house but was serious when he discussed listening to his wife and daughters about the times he’d missed the mark. It was evidenced in his public refusal to suggest he needed a son to carry on his legacy. Kobe Bryant is a girl dad because he was doing everything he could to make this world a much less sexist and patriarchal place, and he was starting with himself.

Opinion: Not Every Father With A Daughter Is A #GirlDad
NEWBURY PARK, CA – MARCH 28: Retired NBA Player Kobe Bryant talks with girls at the Her Time To Play basketball clinic hosted by JR.NBA and WNBA with on March 28, 2019 at Mamba Sports Academy in Newbury Park, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2019 NBAE (Photo by Will Navarro/NBAE via Getty Images)

Not every father with a daughter is a girl dad. That distinction is reserved for those who are actively working to dismantle forces that seek to place limits on what girls can do and who they can become. They are not fathers who see feminism as a dirty word. Rather, they are raising feminists who will hold even them accountable when their actions betray the world their daughters long to see. Girl dads don’t recoil when they hear the words “toxic masculinity.” Instead, they decenter themselves and listen to people who have been marginalized so they can create more just and equitable worlds.

Some argued a girl dad just has to be a father with daughters. I disagree. Some of the best ones I know also have sons who they are raising to be better men. I consider a girl dad to be any father who is doing the work of justice, pushing past the comforts of their own masculinity to learn and unlearn, to heal and help heal in ways their daughters, other girls and women directly benefit. A girl dad isn’t perfect but he is trying and the fruits of his labor are ripe and visible.

We may spend the rest of our lives trying to wrap our minds around losing Kobe this way. As fans continue to grieve and look for ways to honor what Bryant meant to them, perhaps those of them who are fathers could commit to becoming true girl dads—to do the work to become the men their daughters and this world need. 

TOPICS:  Alicia Keys basketball boys ii men celebrity Entertainment Essence News gianna bryant Girldad grammys Kobe Bryant lakers Los Angeles mamba Music
COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now