We were surprised when we read the results of a study that counted American women among the world’s least flirtatious.
Filled with delusion, we looked around at our girls and declared, “I don’t know what they’re talking about—I got game.” Then we paused and asked ourselves, “Have you ever even winked at a man, let alone been bold enough to walk up to him, stroke his arm and tell him you like his outfit?” With heads bowed and shoulders slumped, we mumbled, “No.”
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Recognizing that American girls might need some help with our come-ons and pick-up lines (it’s a matter of pride, damn it!) we called on some of our favorite relationships experts who know a thing or two about icebreakers to give us some tips on how to flirt.
In the digital age, no one has time for you to be sending subtle signals. Every expert recommends that you cut to the chase with a smile. “No subtle batting of the eyes or flicking back your hair,” Naked With Socks On blogger Anslem Samuels says, “A warm smile is a much clearer sign of interest.”
“A smile lights up your face and lets others know that you’re happy, approachable and enjoying your life,” dating diva JJ Smith says, adding that you should pair that smile with a sultry stare. “A woman’s glance can be very powerful. It can be a very effective way to convey interest.”
Buy You a Drink
Every single woman has been the recipient of an unsolicited cocktail from some creepy man at the other end of the bar who stares us down for the rest of the night. Naturally, we frown at the idea of sending a man a beverage. Besides, “Isn’t he supposed to buy me a drink?” we ask. Well, if you’re waiting for the hottie at midnight to saunter over and ask you what you’re having, you may be waiting a long time.
Sixx King, author of Giving Love a Chance: The Secrets of Men, Women and Relationships, says there are benefits to taking things into your own hands. “I was in Milan and a young lady sent me over a drink with a note. It said, ‘I hope you can handle your liquor.’ It was funny, it wasn’t aggressive and it set her apart from every other damn woman in the place. When everybody goes left and you go right, it just sets you apart. That goes for guys and girls.”
If you’re a real shy girl, you may need a few trial runs before you go sending guys glasses of scotch on the rocks. Practice your flirting skills by asking for help. Smith calls this the “Damsel in Distress,” approach.
“If you’re just learning to flirt, you may begin by walking up to a guy and to ask him for help or advice,” JJ says. “You could ask whether there is a coffee shop nearby. It doesn’t really matter what you ask him; you are learning to approach him and engage in conversation with men, which is why we flirt in the first place.”
Reach Out and Touch
You may think casually sliding your hand along the arm of the man you like makes you look desperate and over-sexed. Let it go.
“If you like his tie or arms, don’t be afraid to touch,” Adams says. “Trust me, most men won’t mind an attractive woman placing her hands on him, even something as subtle as a hand on his knee when talking or laughing at one of his jokes.”
“Whether you realize it or not, physical contact in conversations gives off a sense of attraction or interest,” he continues. “If you weren’t interested then chances are you wouldn’t break that personal space boundary and vice versa.”
What do you say, ladies? Are you ready to pump up your inner flirt? If you can’t figure this out, there’s at least one man who’s not feeling sorry for you. “Grown women, you should have this wrapped up by now,” Sixx King says. He’s got a point.