You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I’ve been married to the pain of my dreams for a little over one year. When he and I were dating, we decided not to have premarital sex as we wanted to wait until we got married. Now, I kind of regret that.
I have a high and intense sex drive and my husband has challenges being able to fulfill those needs based on longevity and size. My husband is the most amazing man, he has a beautiful heart and he loves me to pieces, and I love him very much as well. We have tried various things to spice it up so I can get the satisfaction I crave with toys and different positions but nothing seems to help.
I do understand that sex is not the foundation of our marriage so I’m trying to utilize my love for him as a catalyst to satisfy my sex drive, however of my needs of wanting intense sex is still very much present and I can no longer suppress that. I don’t know how to discuss this with my husband as I do not want to hurt his feelings or make him feel less of a man.
A loving–but unsatisfied–wife
I am sure he knows how you feel about your sex life to some extent unless you have won an Oscar for leading lady in faking sexual satisfaction. Rather than avoiding the problem and pretending that he is the best in the bedroom, you must have an honest conversation. This is not an easy conversation but it is a necessary one. Sex is a very important part of marriage and both parties should enjoy it. While your husband can’t change his anatomy, he may be able to learn to work what he has better. I highly recommend that you and your husband seek marital therapy with a sex therapist. In the meantime, you must decide if you are willing to continue to be patient until you can have the conversation and if your husband is willing to seek therapy. It sounds as if other areas of your marriage are positive. Hopefully, your strong love for one another will sustain you until sexual issues can be resolved. –Dr. Sherry
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