You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I’m facing a dilemma that I hope you can help me with. I have been married for almost two years to my husband and I am ready to exit this cold and loveless marriage. One might think that two years may be too soon to consider divorce but I have been abused, disrespected and violated beyond my breaking point.
My husband and I have a very tense living situation right now and it is so uncomfortable. We hardly say a word to each other on a daily basis and we sleep in separate rooms.
Part of my hesitation in leaving him is that I don’t have any family or friends to stay with, I have an extremely unreliable car and I don’t have a job. My husband and I have a 7-month-old daughter and I started working when my daughter was 3 months old but she got abused by the licensed daycare provider. As I mom, I quit my job to watch our child full-time, of course and she is doing okay now and the licensing board is in the process of shutting down that daycare.
A big problem in my marriage is that my husband makes a fairly descent living and is able to drive an Audi and a Benz for himself. He doesn’t use any of his finances, however, to pay for groceries and other expenses. I tried applying for some assistance but was denied since my husband makes too much money.
I know I need to get back to work but I really don’t trust another stranger watching my daughter and I know half of my paycheck will go on childcare because it is so expensive for infants.
Each day I find myself becoming more and more resentful and angry towards my husband because I feel so stuck, I can only dream of the day of getting away from him.
How in the world do I move forward with my life and the process of divorce?
It does not matter if it is 2 years. 2months, 2 weeks, 2 days, or 2 minutes, it is way too long to be abused, disrespected, and violated. How long you remain in this “cold and loveless” marriage is totally up to you. You have made your financial situation clear but you seem to forget that you are married and your husband has some financial responsibility. You do not have to worry and pay for everything. If you want out of this marriage, plan an exit strategy. You have a child together and he has a role as the father. I recommend that you seek a good lawyer to provide legal advice and file for a divorce if you are ready to go through with it. I also recommend that you seek individual therapy to address issues that have led to you wanting a divorce. You do not have to continue and feel stuck. Your husband is counting on you remaining stuck and being fearful of leaving. This allows him to mistreat you without concern that you will do anything. You may not be in control of your husband’s behavior but you are in control to how you respond. If you want more in a relationship, do not settle for less. –Dr. Sherry
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