You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 12 years. We have 3 kids together, our youngest being 4 months old. I recently found out through my brother that my boyfriend lied about being work one day because he was really with another female riding around in his car. This isn’t the first time he’s done some questionable things in our relationship. While I was 8 months pregnant, I found some very inappropriate messages between him and another woman, saying things like “your baby should have been mine” and “you’re mine” and “in our next lifetime we will have lots of kids.” It completely took me by surprise. During my pregnancy it felt like we were on a honeymoon, things seemed so perfect. I have told him multiple times that I’m done and I want to move out, but I can’t just up and leave at the moment because of financial reasons. He wants to work things out, and has been going above and beyond to try and work things out but I can’t get over what he did. Now he is complaining that I don’t give him sex and says that it has been an issue with him for a while. I don’t want to be sexual with him because I don’t not trust him. I love him but I’m just not sure if I want to continue this vicious cycle. Please help!
If you are really questioning if you want to continue this”vicious cycle” in your 12 year relationship with your boyfriend, you are not ready for him to leave and it is not over. You may be hurt, angry, and even humiliated but you are not through with him. This says more about you than him. It is easy to blame it on being in love which can blind you from the reality of things. You may have forgotten how your dream of a honeymoon pregnancy quickly turned into a nightmare at eight months. His relationship with other women did not just start during your pregnant given that you had told him multiple times ” I’m done and I want to move out”. Despite that, you remain with him and use finances and not wanting to just give up as the excuse for staying. While that may be part of the issue, it is not the main issue. The main issue is related to your self esteem and desire to be with him. In your efforts to stay with him, you have overlooked the big elephant in the room. He has never made a true commitment to you. You are not married to him and he keeps reminding you of that each time he decides to be with another woman. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to address the real reasons why you continue
this ” vicious cycle” in your relationship. If you want more, why are you settling for less? –Dr. Sherry
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