You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

Dear Dr. Sherry,

I am a single mother of four with children ranging from ages 3-17. I am a professional in the medical field and I work a lot. I have been using my children and work as an excuse as to why I don’t date. But secretly I am just afraid. I want to get out there, but honestly, I don’t know how. I don’t know how to date. My children were a result of one relationship and two flings. When I was younger, I didn’t believe that I had to be in committed relationships but enjoyed having the benefits of one, if you catch my drift. I don’t know how to meet new people so instead I converse with the old flings and reminisce. I want to date but then I wonder if someone will accept me with having four children or will they just discredit me because of it? I don’t even know where to begin. Please help me find companionship. Some say my standards are too high, but I never even get approached. I wonder if I need to try something different. I am one of the only single women in my circle. What can I do?

Tired Of Making Excuses
Dear Sis,

It is never too late to find love. Yes, there is someone out there that will accept you and your four children. Anyone you date must be willing to accept you and your four children as a package deal. Your children are a part of your life but should not be used as an excuse for avoiding having a personal life. You must ask yourself if you are emotionally ready for a relationship? If so, you must drop old emotional baggage. It is normal to be afraid but be clear on what you are really afraid of? The dating scene has changed over the years. You have the option of meeting people through other people or through online dating services.  You no longer have to wait for a chance meeting to find the love of your life. But before you jump into the dating market, do a personal internal and external review of yourself. The internal review is an emotional review. Be honest and ask yourself what are you really looking for. Are you looking for another fling or a long-term relationship? Check your list of standards and ask if they are realistic. You must have standards but make sure you live up to the same standards you are expecting someone else to have. Once you have completed your internal review, start with your external review. Take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and check to make sure you do not look outdated. Do you need a makeover? Check your hairstyle and makeup. Don’t forget to check your hands and nails. Do you need to change your clothing style? While these things may sound like vanity, it is necessary. Don’t be afraid of change! If you want something different, you must do something different. Believe that you deserve the best and do not settle for less! – Dr. Sherry

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