You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I have been with my fiancé for almost three years and I did something really stupid (sorry for that) but I talked to other women for 2 weeks. I have felt like the relationship between me and my fiancé was not going too good. I tried to talk to her and work things out, but I felt that she didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. So I talk to this other women which she understood me and she listen to what I had to say to everything that happen to my day. My fiancé caught me and she read all the messages but she thinks I slept with these other women. I told her I didn’t, I begged for forgiveness and repented for all that I did to her. She had been wanting me to do so many things to show her that I’m committed and I have. I signed up for school because she was biggest concerned I wouldn’t be serious about getting my life together. She has ADHD and just received a diagnosis for fibromyalgia. I know she hasn’t been feeling well and I want to be there to support her. I don’t know what to do she wants me to be there for her but she just can’t get over what I did. I have tried and I just feel like she is giving up on me. I have a 9-year-old son as well and she is ok with that. My son loves her so much that he ask for her when he’s with me. I don’t what to hurt my son either because he sees me as a hero from so many struggles I over came. She and I have started to patch things up because we’ve been talking for three months but sometimes I feel like she still isn’t ready to forgive. Even when the talking has slowed down, she will text me out of the ordinary or tell me every night she loves me I don’t know what to do. I really regret what I have done and I just want her to know that if I can get a second second chance I will prove that this is not a mistake. Please help me.
How do I get my woman back?
After being in a relationship for 3 years, you have violated trust which is one of the basis elements of a relationship. It is really unfortunate but your fiancé is having a hard time trusting you. Trust is something that is somethings hard to earn and easy to lose. Given that you gave her reasons to lose trust, it is up to her if you can ever regain it. That may be difficult for her to do. She may have you doing all types of things to show you are committed but it may still not be enough to earn her trust. That decision is not yours, it is hers. You must be patient and allow her to love you and gain her trust once again. If you are impatient and push her to trust you, you will push her further away. It seems as if she is uncertain if you truly wants you back
in her life. Otherwise, she would not be texting you nightly to tell you that she loves you. She may love you but not fully trust you. You must ask yourself why did you talk to another women even if it was for two weeks. You also have to be honest with yourself and ask if you would still be talking to the other woman if you had not been caught. There is a reason why you were interested in the other woman. Your desire to have a strong relationship with your fiancé should not be based on fear of letting your son down or not achieving the things that she wants. It must be based on your genuine feelings for her. I recommend that you seek couples therapy to process issues related to trust and other things. You must forgive yourself and stop beating up on yourself. Either you and your fiancée will be able to work things out and move forward or you must be willing to take a deep breath and move on alone. –Dr. Sherry
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