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Ask Dr. Sherry: How Do I Kick Him Out?

Dr. Sherry helps a reader get out of a 12-year relationship with a man she doesn't love.

You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

Q: “I’m a 34-year-old woman who’s stuck with a 50-year-old man who has gotten comfortable. I have been living with him for six years, and he is unemployed because of two layoffs. I care for him because he’s been there for me through problems with my family. I have been in Omaha for 12 years and he’s the only person I’ve befriended, so he has the advantage. With me being a single mom of three, and a homeowner now, I’m a little antisocial. Now I’m stuck with a man that’s comfortable, and I don’t know how to kick him out without messing with my karma and leaving him homeless. Any suggestions? I’m kind of at my wit’s end.” — Anonymous

A: Are you really “stuck” in this relationship, or are you just stuck in life?  You stated that you have been in Omaha for 12 years, are antisocial, have no friends, are a homeowner and a single mom of three. So, I ask again, are you really “stuck” in this relationship or are you just “stuck” in general? It sounds as if you have put life in park and you are afraid to drive. Driving means you must move forward. You have become very comfortable with being in park in this relationship. In fact, it is possible that you are more comfortable than he is in the relationship. If you were truly uncomfortable and ready to move forward, he would have been gone. You must ask yourself, why am I really afraid to kick him out and move on?  Although you mentioned fear of karma, I wonder if it is the fear of being alone and being totally responsible for your own life. It takes a lot of effort to make changes and end a relationship. If you do not do it, it definitely doesn’t seem like he will. If you are not careful, another year or two will pass, and you will be in the same park position you are in now. Talking about being unhappy is not going to make you happy. Take charge of your life and make the changes necessary to be happy. — Dr. Sherry

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