• Celebrity
    • Of The Essence
    • Celebrity News
    • If Not For My Girls
    • The State Of R&B
    • Time Of Essence
  • Fashion
    • 2023 Best In Black Fashion Awards
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • Red Carpet
    • Fashion News
    • Accessories
  • Beauty
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
    • 2023 Best In Black Beauty
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Hair
  • Lifestyle
    • Love
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Bridal Bliss
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
  • Entrepreneurship
    • Money & Career
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Shopping
  • Video
  • Events
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK CULTURE, COMMUNITY AND CONSCIOUSNESS MEET

Sign up for ESSENCE Newsletters the keep the Black women at the forefront of conversation.

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
Select the newsletters you'd like to receive:
Please select at least one option.
By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Of The Essence
    • Celebrity News
    • If Not For My Girls
    • The State Of R&B
    • Time Of Essence
  • Fashion
    • 2023 Best In Black Fashion Awards
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • Red Carpet
    • Fashion News
    • Accessories
  • Beauty
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
    • 2023 Best In Black Beauty
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Hair
      • Hair News
      • Natural
      • Relaxed
      • Transitioning
      • Weave
      • 4C
  • Lifestyle
    • Love
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Bridal Bliss
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
  • Entrepreneurship
    • Money & Career
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Shopping
  • Video
  • Events
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · Love & Sex

Ask Dr. Sherry: How Do I Bring the Intimacy Back to My Marriage?

A 41-year-old says everything is great in her marriage but the romance. Find out Dr. Sherry's tips to spice things up.
Ask Dr. Sherry: Why Am I Only Attracting Married Men?
By Dr. Sherry · Updated October 28, 2020

You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

Q: I am a 41-year-old woman. I have been married to my husband for 21 years and we’ve been together for 24 years — since we were 17. My question is, how do we regain the romance and intimacy level? I feel like there’s a whole different sexual being in me that my husband is clueless about. I’m never excited to be intimate with him and I would love to regain the passion we once had. Our lovemaking sessions last about 10 minutes, and I’m left unsatisfied. Other than this issue, we have a wonderful relationship and marriage. Please advise! —Anonymous

A:
Hi, Sad Face! Maybe I can help you turn your sad face into a happy face. First of all, it is not unusual for the thrill and the sexual drive to decrease after years of marriage. But just because it decreases doesn’t mean the interest or flame is not there. It is likely to mean that you and your husband may need to pour a little oil on the fire. You do this by not focusing so much on the sexual act, but the romance and the intimacy between the two of you. It is clear that your sexual desire is still high and you have ignored your sexual side that is dying to get out. You may be surprised that your husband would love to see and experience this “whole different sexual being.” Given that he is “clueless,” you may want to start exposing what you want to experience with him slowly. It would be helpful to engage in a conversation with your husband about both of your sexual desires and fantasies. If you expose too much too quickly, he may feel threatened and question where this newfound sexual knowledge is coming from. I would suggest that you start by not having sex at all, but by learning to enjoy and arouse each other by the power of touch. Feel free to explore sex through touching. You may need a “toy” or two! Use your imagination! Once you have reached your “peak” at touching, who knows — you can end up looking like the couple from the His/Hers KY commercial! 



Email us your questions for Dr. Sherry now, and be sure to include “Ask Dr. Sherry” in the subject line.

COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now