You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I recently started a relationship with a man that I’ve known basically my whole life since the age of 10, and now I’m 54.
He told me he has loved me since the day he laid eyes on me, but was always too shy to approach me. Even at our current age, he was still too shy and used a friend to initiate conversation. We have been together for six months now and I’m starting to see signs and red flags. He is retired and bored but he needs my attention hourly, but I am still a working professional. I have a 21-year-old son, 9-year-old dog and house to maintain. Twice now he has complained that I don’t text him like when we first started getting to know each other. This is starting to irritate me to some degree.
How can I respond or react without causing separation?
Needs Some Space
This man has large neon flashing telltale warning signs all over the place. These warning signs have been flashing since you have known him but were written off as him being shy. He may indeed be shy but it sounds as if there is much more than shyness going on. The fact that he has known you for 44 years and still was unable to initiate a conversation, is a flashing sign with a loud alarm sounding. It may sound cute but it is no laughing matter. I am glad that you are finally starting to see “signs/flags.” It is likely that his need for your attention “hourly” is more than him being just bored. Given his “shyness and boredom,” you provide his lifeline and he will become increasingly clingy and demanding. He needs some professional help and a life of his own. I clearly understand that he has some issues but the question is what are your issues that keeps you invested in this relationship. You indicated that are an independent “working/professional” woman. Are you taking on this relationship as a project because you see some potential in him? If this is the case, you are asking for a problem. Trust me, there is a problem and you can’t fix him to make him what you are looking for in a man. You asked how you can respond or react to him without causing separation. Maybe you should reconsider the idea of separation. He may be the nicest person in the world but is he what you want and need in a relationship? What you see now is a small glimpse of what you are going to get on a larger scale later. If you want more, don’t settle for less!— Dr Sherry
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