You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I met a guy about a year ago who treats me the best I have ever been treated. He’s attentive, loving, loyal and my confidant. Emotionally, I am full. In short, he has become my best friend. Sounds perfect, right? Well… the problem is, I am not physically attracted to him. He’s not an ugly guy but for me there is no physical chemistry. We are not officially a couple. Prior to meeting him, I was dealing with a guy with whom I had amazing chemistry on a level I didn’t even know was possible. If I had met the emotionally fulfilling guy first, I really think I would have been with him. However, I keep thinking that if I’m not attracted to him now…how will I feel about him 10 years from now? I normally have amazing intuition and I truly feel he is not the one for me. But there is a part of me that wonders if I’m missing my blessing. I care about him but not in the way I should. What do you think?
Torn & Confused
I am happy you are honest with yourself but now you must have the courage to act on your honestly. You have already stated that you truly feel he is not the one for you. Knowing that, why string him along with false hopes that there may be more than a friendship in the future. If you want a relationship with a good “buddy” without the physical excitement, you have that. If you choose to settle for that type of relationship, don’t be surprised if there are no ” fireworks or sparks ” between the two of you. Physical intimacy just like emotional intimacy is an important part of a relationship. Sometimes women ignore this in hopes of having emotional security. This works for some women but leads to an unfulfilled sex life and boredom for others. You must ask yourself how important is the physical component in meeting your needs in the relationship. It sounds important given that you continue to think about how physically fulfilled you were in your last relationship. It does not have to be a either or situation where you are being either satisfied emotionally or being satisfied physically. You can and should have them both once you are with the right person. You do not have to settle if you are willing to keep searching for that person. Before you totally kick your current friend to the curb, try to figure out why you are not physically attracted to him. If it is something that can be addressed and changed, it may be worth working through the issues. You will only be able to pretend he is meeting your physical needs for so long. It is better to deal with the issues now rather than later. — Dr. Sherry
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