You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
I have been with a man on and off since I was 14 and he was 16. We are now both 29 and 31. We have a 4 year son together and I recently gave birth to our daughter. After a 6 months break last year, we got back together and I got pregnant with her. A month into my pregnancy the man I love demanded that I leave the apartment that we shared and to terminate my pregnancy all because I did not pay a light bill. Yes! You read correctly a light bill!! I had to move out and get my own place and live alone while being pregnant and received no support from him while expecting. My daughter is here now and he loves her more than ever. He is a wonderful father to both our children. However, our relationship continues to struggle. He is rude and disrespectful. I am praying and trying to hold on to my little family but some days are harder than others. I feel trapped and don’t know what to do. Should I stay and keep praying that he will change or is it time for me to walk away.
Confused and hopeless
I clearly understand why you feel trapped. You feel trapped that after knowing your children’s father for 15 years, you are fighting to hold on to your “little family.” The problem is that you are only trapped in your mind because have never had a real family with this man. Yes, you have 2 children but that only means that he is your children’s father. He showed you who he was and how he felt about you when he put you out of the apartment because you failed to pay a light bill and insisted that you terminate your pregnancy. You had to go through your pregnancy alone and no support from him. All of this does not suggest that you have a relationship or a family with this man. You are allowing this man to be disrespectful and rude to you but you keep holding on to him. My question is why? This is more about you than your children’s father. As hard as it may be, the reality is that you are a single parent with two children. As a single parent, you must understand that his relationship with your children has nothing to do with his relationship with you. You are looking for something in a relationship that he may not have to offer. The fact that you have been with him “off and on” since you were 14 years old is definitely enough time to know if he is invested in a long term relationship with you. It is time for you to take a serious look at yourself and prepare to move forward. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to understand why you continue to hold on and to help let go and move forward with your life. He has shown you who he is, believe him! –Dr. Sherry
Need advice on how to cope during the holidays? Email us your questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include “Ask Dr. Sherry” in the subject line.