You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

Dr. Sherry,

I was recently diagnosed with an STD and when I told my boyfriend of one year about it, originally he stated calmly that I must have been sleeping with other people and called me a “b*tch”, “whore” and “trick”. I wish I could say that this is the first time he has called me these degrading names, however it is not! He is a very jealous person and he often imagines things involving me being with another man. Since we have been together I have not batted an eye at another man, and he knows this! (He is the first person I had sex with, but he has had multiple partners.) Anyway, I say that to say that he knows without a doubt that I have never been with another man. Anyway, than he started crying and saying he was sorry and that he didn’t know he had it. Now he won’t talk to me at all. He went from texting me all the time to no longer texting or calling me. What should I think? What should I do?

Dear Sis,

You may not feel or believe this, but you may be the luckiest women on earth because he is no longer texting or calling you. As strange as this may sound, you should be shouting “Free at last…free at last!” Your boyfriend is definitely verbally abusive and I question if he may be physically abusive too. His response to you informing him that you had a STD is no surprise. It is highly unlikely that he accepts responsibility for any of his behaviors. Even when he “started crying saying he was sorry and that he didn’t know he had it”, there was no apology or remorse for his behavior.

He seems to only have said that he was sorry because he did not know he had a STD. Now that I know your boyfriend’s issues, I have to focus on yours. Your boyfriend is only treating you how you allow him to treat you. What is going on with you that you have accepted your boyfriend’s verbally abuse and multiple partners? He is very disrespectful but in order to be respected, you must respect yourself. That means that you must think enough of yourself that you do not allow your boyfriend or anyone else to mistreat you. The fact that you are concerned with him not communicating with you after giving you a STD and calling you degrading names, indicates that you do not feel good about yourself.

I recommend that you seek therapy and process what is going on with you. Life is way too short to be abused and misused. You asked what you should think or do? That is up to you, but this is a great time to take a hard look at yourself and not to look back at your “boyfriend”! If you want more in life, you must demand more and do differently.  — Dr. Sherry

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