You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
After a two-year relationship my boyfriend and I broke up over him visiting family when I had been asking for months to take a trip. He totally disappeared and wouldn’t answer any of my calls. I was forced to pick up my broken heart with little answers as to what really happened. Long story short: He shows up a year and a half later dating someone at my church. I was totally devastated. Old feelings came rushing back because I had no closure. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last. I’ve since moved on with my life, but my feelings are still there. He still keeps in touch after eight years of us not being together and I’m wonder why. I’ve recently asked him if he misses me, and he agreed that we had good times together and told me he did miss me. He has never been one to express his feelings, but in my heart, I believe he does still love me. He was going through a financially hard time around our breakup, but I found out afterward. I believe he did what he thought was best at the time, seeing as though he couldn’t take care of himself or me. Dr. Sherry, I need professional advice, please.
Unfortunately, after eight years you still have unfinished business and no “closure” with your ex-boyfriend. You are holding on to a dream of what it could have been with him as opposed to the reality of how it was with him. The real problem is that you are still in love with this man and have never let go emotionally. This keeps you tied to him and makes you vulnerable to be strung along another eight years. He keeps in touch with you because you allow him to. In fact, you encourage him to. You must ask yourself: Why? This is the same man that walked off and abandoned you after being with him for two years. This is the same man that showed up a year and a half later only to date someone in your church. After all of that, you are making excuses for him? Really? How many more times do you have to be devastated or humiliated by this man? The choice is yours. But you are fooling yourself if you think the two of you will get back together and live happily every afterwards. You must be honest and ask yourself what do you really want in a relationship? Given that you haven’t found what you need and want in eight years with your ex, it is time to let if go. Individual therapy would be helpful you process issues as you learn to let go. – Dr. Sherry
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