You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dr. Sherry,
My girlfriend seems to be in a state of depression and it has ruined our relationship to the point where I am ready to leave. Since getting laid off her job in 2009, she doesn’t want to work. She just sits home Monday thru Friday watching TV 16 hours a day. But as soon as Saturday morning comes she is up calling her girlfriend who works 60 hours a week as a property manager to go hang out all day. Help!
Signed,
Anonymous
Dear Brother,
Your kindness has been taken for weakness. It has been six years since your girlfriend has worked. Really?! While depression may be a minor part of her lack of interest in working, it is not the major part. If she were really depressed, she would not have the interest or energy to be jumping up to go out with her friends on the weekend.
Why should she work when she can chill out all week and do nothing and go out on weekends? She absolutely has no reason to change. She doesn’t work because she does not want to and does not have to work. You and apparently others are enabling her by taking care of her. In essence, you are been played. You have a choice of continuing to play her game or to walk away. The choice is yours. You cannot change her behavior, but you can change how you respond to it. Your relationship is ruined because you have tolerated and played her game for six years and now you are tired of it. You must do what is in your best interest at this time. I recommend that you seek some individual therapy to process why you continue to be an enabler. I also suggest that you recommend that your girlfriend seek therapy on her own. Remember, if you want something different, you must do something different! – Dr. Sherry
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