You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I have been married for 15 months now. Instead of being in the honeymoon phase we instantly turned into an old married couple. There is no intimacy, passion, or spontaneity between us. Everything is planned and routine. I never thought he was my type, but he kept pursuing me until we finally wed last August. We didn’t have the wedding I wanted and this relationship has been one disappointment after the next. Should I just leave and stop trying to pretend that I’m happy?
Regretting and Rethinking
It is likely that your honeymoon was over before it started! A person does not change just because you say ” I do”. What you see before a marriage is usually what you get after the marriage. My guess is that there was never any real intimacy, passion, or spontaneity! These are things that most people expect or long for in a relationship. You stated that you never thought that he was your type. Now you know that you were right, what are you willing to do about it? You are responsible for your own happiness and getting your needs met. You have been unhappily married for 15 months and continue to be disappointed. Your unhappiness run deeper than the lack of intimacy, passion, or spontaneity. If you are honest with yourself, your unhappiness is more related to not loving and/or being in love with your husband. You mentioned that your husband kept pursuing you until you decided to marry. Just because someone is pursuing you, you don’t have to be caught and you definitely do not have to marry them. It seems as if you settled for a man to marry without considering your emotional needs. I recommend that you seek some individual therapy to help process what you really want at this point in your life. If you want something different, you must do something different! — Dr. Sherry
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