Ask Dr. Sherry: 'I've Been Waiting For Him To Marry Me For 20 Years! Should I Leave Him?'

You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

Dr. Sherry,

I have been with my partner for 20 years and it was love at first sight or so I thought. About one month into dating, I found him to be so clingy and that was unattractive, but I wanted to give the relationship a chance. I wanted marriage and so did he but he has never proposed and after five years into the relationship he avoided anything that had to do with marriage. Now we have 2 kids together and when I brought up the conversation he would just say, of course we’ll get married. He is a great guy, he shows me love and care but at what cost? His family doesn’t like me and I don’t know why. It doesn’t seem like they ever game me a chance. I’ve lost friends and family because he doesn’t like my family. I have become antisocial with insecurities and depression and I guess I feel guilty if I was to leave him because the problem is he still hasn’t grown up. Has this relationship run it’s course?

Sincerely,

Lost myself in the process

Hey Sis,

If your partner has not proposed marriage after 20 years and two children together, do not fool yourself. He has absolutely no intent of marrying you. Once you have played wifey for 20 years, he has no need to make it legal. He has managed to isolate and/or sever relationships you have with your family and friends. In addition, he has not allowed you to built a relationship with his family. This leaves you emotionally dependent on him. This is nothing more than a form of abuse that keeps you in the relationship. It is quite understandable why you have become antisocial with insecurities and depression. You have concluded that the problem is that your partner has not grown up. This may indeed be the case but the reality is that he may never grow up beyond where he is now. This leaves you with the choice of continuing your current role or making changes in your life. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to process issues and to understand why you have remained in the relationship. If you want more, do not settle for less. —Dr. Sherry 

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