• Celebrity
    • OTE – Screen Kings
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Best In Black Beauty 2023
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK CULTURE, COMMUNITY AND CONSCIOUSNESS MEET

Sign up for ESSENCE Newsletters the keep the Black women at the forefront of conversation.

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
Select the newsletters you'd like to receive:
Please select at least one option.
By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • OTE – Screen Kings
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • The State Of R&B
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Best In Black Beauty 2023
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · Love & Sex

Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘20 Years Later I Want My Ex Husband Back, But He’s Married With Kids!’

A woman who fears her religious beliefs will not let her marry again, contemplates whether it’s wrong to get close to her ex husband again.
Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘20 Years Later I Want My Ex Husband Back, But He’s Married With Kids!’
By Dr. Sherry · Updated October 27, 2020

You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

Dear Dr. Sherry,

My ex husband remarried a couple of months after our divorce. I have been living a celibate life ever since we separated in 1992. (We divorced in 1995.) After that, I wouldn’t give him the time of the day. Now I get lonely sometimes for that male companionship. He calls me sometimes and I enjoy his conversation, but he enjoys talking to me as well. It took me a long time to talk to him about the breakup. We are talking about it now and we realized that we made a mistake and should have worked harder on keeping our marriage together. He is married now with three children. Here lately he calls me on a daily basis. I find myself looking forward to his call. Based on my religious beliefs and what the Bible says about me marrying again, I know I am not supposed to unless he and I get remarried or he is deceased. What should I do?

Best,

Anonymous

Dear Sis,

After being legally divorced for almost 20 years, you are still emotionally married to your ex-husband. Stop lying to yourself! You are still in love with this man. It is no accident that your ex husband is the only man that you can talk with to satisfy your loneliness for male companionship. Your marriage has been over for a long time. Let it go and move on. It is apparent that your ex has moved on. (He is married with three children!) He talks with you and keeps you hooked by going down the “coulda, shoulda, woulda” memory lane. He does that because you allow it and he wants more. More does not mean marriage or a relationship. At best, it means he wants to be your friend with benefits. You are quickly allowing yourself to become the “other women” who is better known as the “side chick.” You are emotionally involved and in love with the dream of what could have been. Most men do not leave their wife and children for the other women. There is a reason you separated in 1992 and divorced a few years later. You have been frozen in time with this man. It happens, and it is called love, but it is time to let go and move on. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to process your feelings and learn to let go. This would also give you a chance to fully process the role your religious beliefs play in your relationships. I am sure there is no role for the “other woman” in your belief system. You deserve more, but if you want more, you must not settle for less! – Dr. Sherry

Email us your questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include “Ask Dr. Sherry” in the subject line.

COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now