Outside of a classic single from Lauryn Hill, the ex-factor is when you go through the same bad emotional rotation with an ex that you should have moved on from months ago. Admit it: We’ve all been there. Here are a few tips on how to avoid the "it's complicated" relationship status with an ex.
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Unfriend and Unfollow
I know it seems petty, but it's really for your sanity. You do not need to see new boo photos or Snapchats of him hanging out with the guys instead of wanting to be with you. It will just make you miserable. Do yourself the favor and unfollow, unfollow, unfollow! And if they are keeping tabs on you socially, feel free to exercise your right to block.
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Schedule Time Away
There is nothing like taking a moment to clear your mind. Visit family, hit the beach, see some world, it helps.
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Remember Why You Broke Up
It's so easy to spend some time away from an ex and find yourself drifting back to them. But the reality is, you broke up for a reason. Keep sight of that reason and if it's something you can't come back from, don't even waste the time and emotional space.
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Purge the Stuff
Who knows where all the stuff comes from that we accumulate in relationships? But the smart thing to do is to get rid of ALL of it. Yes, ALL of it. Okay, well, most of it. But either way, the teddy bears, romantic photos and ticket stubs are just painful reminders of what used to be and you don’t want or need that. Trash it.
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Don't Lash Out
Refrain from "busting the windows out the car" like our good friend Jazmine Sullivan admitted. Doing damage both physically or verbally is really a waste. Listen, at some point you loved this person, so it doesn't always reflect great on you if you're screaming from the mountaintops that they're the scum of the Earth.
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Deal with the Emotions
Sometimes we want to act like we are okay with how things ended, when the truth is, we're really not. When you really love a person, those feelings do not just go away overnight. Really take some time to heal after the breakup. Allow yourself to be angry, sad, and angry again before you try to say you're over it.
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Don't Force a Friendship
Sure every relationship doesn't end on terrible terms. But trying to be friends too soon after a break up will more than likely lead to you just getting back together. Get the real time away to see if it's something worth revisiting. And more often than not, the friendship doesn't survive once one or the other moves on to a new relationship.
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Delete the Number!
From the phone and the cloud too! Remember that Season 1 episode of Being Mary Jane when she was trying to kick married man Andre out of her life and mind? Believe me, it will be better that way. You don't even want to be tempted to call or text, so it's best to avoid the chance of a drunk text finding its way into his inbox in the wee hours of the morning. And if you memorized it, well then, try hypnosis maybe?
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Set New Boundaries
As you move into your new roles as exes, it's imperative to draw new lines. Defining what's now acceptable and what's not is key. Phone calls, texts, family relationships, all have to be re-evaluated.
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Get the Closure You Need, Now!
Don't let people tell you closure is not a real thing. There may be some unresolved issues that will help you heal. There is nothing worse than thinking that you're over something and not being over it. It's worth a shot if a conversation can save you some frustration, but if the ex is just a jerk, you may have to move on without it.
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