The 10 Biggest Excuses Women Make For Not Having Great Sex

No more excuses, ladies. Your sexual revolution is here.

Abiola Abrams May, 19, 2016

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Anyone who tells you any different is a liar. So why is this a foreign concept for many of us? As women, we are taught to take care of everyone except ourselves. We are taught that our desires are bad or forbidden. We learn that we are considered objects of the desire of others, rather than the stars of our own lives. Let’s talk about the real pleasure principle. You have a right to passion, pleasure, joy, and fun -- with a partner and with yourself. Our mission is to add more pleasure to your life. Here are the top 10 excuses that women make for not getting the pleasure we deserve.

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Most often we blame our bodies for problems of the mind. If you think that your body is too whatever or not whatever enough, that is a mind problem. We spend so much time worrying that we are too fat, too skinny, too curvy and not curvy enough. If you are thinking that you will allow yourself to be loved when you’re “perfect,” think again. Being fully loved in mind, body, and soul is pure pleasure, pleasure that you deserve. Stop lying to yourself about being unworthy and let love and pleasure in.

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An informal poll of women about why they fake orgasms revealed an interesting recurring answer. It takes too long! Several women told be that they take too long to arrive, so it’s faster to just go ahead and fake it. Really? You are cheating yourself if you are pretending to have more fun in bed than you’re really having.

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One main reason women cheat themselves of pleasure is that that we fear telling our partners that we are unsatisfied. You owe it to yourself to figure this out. You can use your finesse in this area to positively affect your relationship and your pleasure. You don’t have to say, “Look, I’ve been faking it.” Instead say, “Hey baby, I love being with you so much. Can we try something a little different?”

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I am too busy for a relationship. I am too busy for intimacy. I am too busy for girls nights out. I am too busy to have fun. I am too busy to live. Been there, done that. Pleasurable experiences don’t deplete your energy. They feed you. If you are too busy for pleasure, you are too busy for yourself.

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Who could use more energy? I bet almost everyone is raising her hand. With all of our devices, beeping and talking to us all day, life is non-stop. Yes, we are tired, but this is no excuse to deny yourself pleasure.

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Listen, as women, something interesting will always be happening with our bodies hormonally and cyclically. We are either menstrual, premenstrual, postmenstrual, perimenopausal or menopausal. Like I said, always something going on. If you waiting for the stars and your cycle to line up to allow more pleasure into your life, you’re going to keep on waiting. A better plan is to have a plan. Know your cycle and still get the juicy love you deserve.

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Depression is a very real issue and concern. It is natural to be sad for a period of time when sad things happen. This is situational depression. It is not healthy to continue to be in a state of clinical depression that robs you of passion and pleasure. Work with your mental and physical health care providers to develop a plan to get you back on track.

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This is the oldest excuse in the book. If you have recurring medical issues, see your physician and take care of it! This way you can get back to getting the love you deserve. 

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Many medications have decreased libido as a side effect. Of course you want to work with your medical team to know what is best for your health. This does not constitute medical advice. However, we want to minimize the effects on your quality of life.

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I have met women who complain that their sexy lives have slowed to a halt because of the kids. This sounds like a reasonable excuse but I have met an equal number of moms who keep it hot and heavy. They do this by scheduling date nights and sexy time and grabbing quickies every chance they get.

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Abiola Abrams is the author of the award-winning Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love, Manifest Your Miracles meditation album and African Goddess Affirmation Cards. The popular lifestyle guru is also the founder of the Sacred Bombshell Self-Care Kits, blog, web TV show, and online academy at Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week's hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.