Danielle Pointdujour
Dec, 13, 2017

With the New Year fast approaching, I'm going through my annual 'I'm going to declutter my life' routine which involves me going through bags of papers that I hoard like a squirrel.

As I pretended to get organized, I found a picture of my first love, a boy who was a chocolatey delicious specimen with a crazy body and the common sense of an ant. But I digress. Attached to the picture was a short letter he wrote me in which he described how he missed making love to me and couldn’t wait to see me again. Reading it brought back memories of how angry he would get if I told him I wanted to screw him. As in beyond irate, throwing hissy fits and insisting that he doesn’t screw me, he makes love to me. Now I might’ve been young, dumb and very naïve when it came to him and our relationship (I made the typical young and dumb mistakes…forgiving the unforgivable, staying too long, etc), but I was smart enough to know that you can’t call the sex you have with someone “making love” when behind that person’s back you have sex with someone else and produce three babies.

See that last line…that would be where the young and dumb came in.

Anyway, it got me to thinking, what is the real difference between having sex, screwing, smashing, boning, etc and making love?

The actions are the same in terms of positions and what not, so how can you tell when you’re doing one as opposed to the other? Clearly to make love you should actually be in love with the other person, and have a connection that goes beyond the superficial. When I think of making love I think of souls uniting as one, candles and Maxwell filled moments like Monica and Quincy had in Love and Basketball. But can you not just screw the person you love? If bae comes home one night and gives it to you like Tommy did Keisha on Power, is that not still a form of love making?  Can't your souls still unite when your faux bun is getting knocked off?  Is it still considered making love if you're not in a relationship?

Seriously, what is the difference between making love and having sex?

I guess in the end, the difference is one that is defined individually. To me, sex is just the technical term to describe the act, and any intimate moment with the man that has my heart is considered making love. Sometimes it will be extra romantic, and sometimes it will be more hood loving, but it is all just a physical manifestation of love.

How do you differentiate between having sex and making love?