You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I have been dating for some time now but every time I start a relationship with a new guy, all they want from me is sex.
I'm 27 years old, still a virgin and decided to save myself for my wedding night with someone I truly love.
I don't hide my decision or mislead the men that I'm dating. I will tell my companions up front when we are in the "talking" stage that I want to wait until marriage and they initially seem fine with my choice. Most men last for a couple of months but then tell me they are not interested in waiting anymore, try to pressure me or just end the relationship. Is that bad to wait until marriage? I need your help because I don't know what to do.
Dating but waiting.
First of all, I want to commend you for maintaining your personal values and not folding under social pressures to have sex before marriage. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at the age of 27. Your values are your values and every man you meet will not share them. This does not mean that you change your values. Waiting for marriage before becoming sexually active is not the real problem. The problem is that you are wasting your time dating men that do not share your values. There is no need to announce that you are a virgin up front when you are just getting to know a person unless they ask you directly. Making this announcement is giving the person a quick exit and a chance to reject you. Why give them that chance? You have a right to dismiss them first by deciding if their values are in line with yours once you listen to them. If sex is all they want, they will usually let you know that by their comments and nonverbal behaviors before you go out with them. Once you know or suspect that sex is what they really want, move on. Believe it or not, there are men that also want to wait until marriage before having sex. Be selective about where and how you met men. The likelihood of finding a man who shares your values are highly unlikely on sex apps and even on some dating apps. Given this, be careful where you meet people and listen carefully to their values and expectations. The wait of meeting the right person is worth holding on to your values. --Dr. Sherry
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