You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I have been seeing a man for about nine years off and on. I'm 40, he's 51, and we live in different states. We both don't have any kids but he's been married a few times and I haven't.
We had an argument over the weekend when I went to visit him because I stated that I wanted more at this point in my life. He stated that we never discussed being exclusive or titles. That is untrue and I'm beginning to feel like he has commitment issues. During the entire conversation, he stonewalled me and only giving me one to two-word answers and acted like I was wrong and just wanted to argue.
I love this man, but I'm really tired because I feel like there isn't any change in sight. I want to be married and having a baby is still an option. I don't think he wants kids. I'm beginning to feel that he doesn't want me, but he doesn't want me with anyone else either. I don't feel any growth and we should be much further by now.
What should I do?
You have been with this man who has been married “ a few times” off and on for nine years but you are not married or engaged and you are beginning to feel that he has commitment issues! Really! Commitment issues are on a long list of issues that I see with this man! This man has made it clear that he has never viewed your relationship with him as being exclusive or having a title. If a man doesn’t consider or view you as his one and only woman after nine years, it is highly unlikely that he ever will. As long as you are willing to settle, he has no reason to change. At age 40, you want to marry and have a baby. That is an understandable and very realistic desire with a man that shares your hopes and dreams. It is apparent that he is not that man. He seems to blame you when you bring up issues or concerns. You stated that you don’t think he wants children and questions if he even wants you. This man has clearly shown you who he is. So, why don’t you believe him? You may love him but you must love yourself even more. Otherwise, you will always have your emotional needs unmet. It really does not matter that he doesn’t want you to be with anyone else. That is your choice, not his. Don’t expect growth in a relationship when nothing has been planted. If you want more, why are you selling for less? --Dr. Sherry
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