You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Hi Dr. Sherry,
I met a guy and we've been talking for less than a month. I am 49 and he is 48. I've been single for 3 years and him for a year. I want nothing more than to be in a loving, respectful committed relationship, but I'm not desperate enough to rush into anything because it has to be a good fit.
The thing is, he lives at home taking care of his ailing mother, which doesn't quite sit well with me. Although he has a good job as a truck driver, I'm used to dating men who are more independent.
From the beginning, he has expressed his sincere interest in me. He tells me he has been praying to God for a woman like me and adamant that I am the one. I'm a little leery because although we have great communication, same commitment goals, and an attraction, it seems like too much too fast. He doesn't understand my hesitation but he has agreed to wait however long it takes for me to get to where he is.
Could I be blocking my blessing and being too uptight/shallow? Is it such a thing as love at first sight? Does a person know immediately if they've met THE ONE?
What should I do?
You should be more than a little leery when a man who has been single for only a year and living at home with his mother insists that you are the one that he has been waiting for. It is indeed too much way too fast! Just because he has decided that you are the one for him does not mean that he is the one for you. You do not have to be the chosen one. You have the power and right to choose a man.
Yes, there may be such a thing as love at first sight for some people but it is obvious that you have not found that with this man. Usually, it is lust at first sight rather than love. There is a difference between lust and love. In order to truly love someone, you must know them. I doubt seriously that he knows you or you know him given you met less than a month ago. You can love many things and people such as your pets, home, or other things but it takes more than that level of love to have a relationship. This man may be taking care of his mother and sincere about his feelings towards you. But that is about him, not you. If you are indeed not desperate for a man, do act like it by becoming “the one” because he says so. Take the time to get to know him and decide if you want to be in a relationship with him. It is your choice and should be based on what you want. You do not have to settle for less than what you truly want. --Dr. Sherry
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