You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
My husband and I have been married for over 30 years. I am confused whenever we have an argument he likes to talks about my family members and issues they might have. For example, my closest sister died recently and her two sons had disagreements over money that was left to one son and not the other. I am their oldest aunt and they often call me to voice their concerns. I feel even though they are grown, I should try to be there for them. I don’t share my nephews‘ concerns with my husband because I know he will throw their issues up when there is a disagreement between the two of us. He is always mumbling and cursing about them. It is like he is constantly picking on me. He often uses terms like those”Negroes” when saying negative words about them. I ignore him most of the time, but this dilemma really hurts my feelings. Can you help me?
Over 30 years of marriage and your husband is “constantly” picking on you? Really? There are many adjectives that comes to mind to describe your husband’s behavior but “confused“ is not one of them. Your husband brings up your family during an argument when they have nothing to do with what you are arguing about because he is what I call a “dirty fighter“. When a person doesn’t want to attack the issues, they attack the person or the person’s loved ones. Your husband knows that talking about your nephews will bother and hurt you. So, he does it very intentional and it apparently works. Your husband will continue to talk about your nephews until you stop giving him information to talk about. It is good that you stopped sharing your nephews concerns with your husband but maybe you should go totally ghost with him regarding your family. It is recommended that you seek marital therapy to understand why your husband is angry with you and uses what he can to hurt you verbally. This will also give you a chance to understand why you tolerate the way he treats you. Your husband will continue to do what he does as long as it works. You must decide when it no longer works on you. – Dr. Sherry
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