Ask Dr. Sherry: 'I Just Found Out My Husband Of 32 Years Is Having A Same-Sex Affair'

Dr. Sherry Jan, 26, 2018

You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…

Dear Dr. Sherry,

I am a 61-year-old woman and I just found out that my husband of 32 years has been having affairs with gay men for quite some time now. It has been actually making me sick. He swears to me that he did not cross the line with them and that he was using them to get money, but of course, I know better.

We have two sons together, one who is 31-year-old and another who is 28. The youngest just moved back home and I want to leave my husband so bad but our son asked to move back in for one year and give him time to get his finances together because he just got a new job. The man I married and I have a home together, he is drawing disability and I’m still working. I don’t want to walk away from my home because I know without me it would go into foreclosure since I’m the breadwinner and I don’t think I could live with that.

My husband is treating me like I’ve done something wrong because I caught him in his affair. I want to file for a divorce but he would have to be out the home for one year in order for me to get it. He keeps saying that he is going to leave and get a senior citizen apartment but I don’t believe him. What should I do? Should I just walk away?

Hi Sis, 

You have been married to your husband for 32 years which is almost half of your life! That is a long time to think you know a person only to be surprised by their behavior. Were you surprised and angered that he was with someone else or was it the fact that he was with other men? I hear your hurt and anger but I am somewhat confused.

On the one hand, I hear you saying that you are ready to divorce and walk out the door because you are totally disgusted with your husband’s behaviors. However, on the other hand, I’m hearing you say that you do not want to leave your home because he cannot support it without you. Why do you need to leave your home? You indicated that your husband said that he is going to move to a senior citizen apartment. If that is the case, what is the real problem?

It sounds as if you are not ready for the marriage to end and maybe making excuses to remain together. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to process your feelings and make some decisions. You are not in control of your husband’s behaviors but you are in control of how you respond! —Dr. Sherry

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