She thought their emotional and sexual connection meant that they would finally be together, but Dr. Sherry doesn't agree.
You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Hi Dr Sherry,
I am a 29 year old woman, I’ve been single for more than 2 years now. Few weeks back in reconnected with my high school friend whom I was in love with and still am, I spent a weekend with him, everything was fine, he treated me like a was the only woman on earth, we had sex 2 consecutive days while I was there and he made me feel so special. I thought we had a connection but when I left to my home town he never called or texted. I would text him and call him but he always respond with short answers and doesn’t sound so interested.
I told him how I love him and how I have loved him for 15 years but he never said anything about that. I’m so confused because I honestly thought we had connection and now I don’t know what to do.
Please help me.
You did make a connection with your old high school sweetheart! The only problem was that it was not the type of connection you wanted.
You made a sexual connection and you really wanted an emotional connection. He obviously only wanted a physical connection. It is real easy for a person to treat you like you was “the only woman on earth” for a weekend. Especially, when you are providing the sex he wants.
What made you think that your weekend would turn into a relationship or more than just a weekend? His responses are a clear indication that he wasn’t looking for any more than a weekend of fun. Unfortunately, you have made the same mistake that many women make. You have equated having sex with commitment and being in a relationship.
Women tend to have sex based on an emotional need while most men tend to have sex based on a physical need. If there was no emotional connection with him before the sex, there will likely not be one after the sex. When this is the case, he has no need for you once the sex is over.
Be aware that he may call you again when he is ready to “connect” again.
We all know how that game gets played. You may feel hurt and confused now but understand the game he is really playing. It is up to you to decide if you are going to participate.
The idea of connecting with an old high school sweetheart sounds romantic on the surface. But, the reality is that high school was a long time ago for you and people change. It sounds like your old sweetheart is still playing high school games.
I would suggest that you seek therapy and understand how you are approaching new relationships. I know that you have been single for two years and may feel a sense of urgency to be in a relationship. It is better to slow down and understand who you are and what you want rather than jump into something out of desperation. You are young and have the right to choose who and what you want in a relationship. You do not have to settle and accept anything or anyone.
If you want something more, do not settle for something less! —Dr. Sherry
Need advice on how to cope during the holidays? Email us your questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include “Ask Dr. Sherry” in the subject line.
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