You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Hi Dr. Sherry,
My husband and I have been together for over 10 years, married 7 and we have 2 sons who are 7 and 13. I have two other children from a previous marriage and my husband hates them. My daughter is now 21 with 3 children and my son has 4 children. Because my husband doesn’t like my older kids, he will not let my grandchildren come over and my children aren’t allowed in the house. In 2015, my oldest son and I got into a argument. My husband then got into an argument with my son and shot him twice with a gun that almost killed him.
It’s one big mess.
It’s all killing me mentally and physically. My husband has been in my two older children's lives since they were young. He was there for Christmas’ and birthdays but something happened and everything changed. He is verbally abusive and he makes me feel like they’re dead. Every day being with him feels like I’m at a funeral. He will tell our two children that my older kids are not their siblings and tells them not to socialize with them.
I just don't know what to do. Can you help?
Hey there sis,
While everyday may seem like a funeral, you are not dead ! You are are alive but you must decide to live. Right now you are only existing. You have been beat totally down emotionally to the point you have lost strength to fight back and most of all your voice. It is unfortunate that your older children have also been the victims of your husband’s abuse. I do not know why your husband “ hates” your older children. Hating your children is one thing but to actually shoot your son is another thing. Why isn’t your husband in jail? All of your children are looking to you for nurturing, love, and protection. Unless your husband shot your son clearly in self defense, it would be very difficult to move on with him as if nothing happened. You have been forced to make a decision between your abusive husband and your children. Your children see and feel your choice and it is emotionally painful for all of them. Your husband can not “make you “feel as if your older children are dead. It is your choice to how you feel and treat your children. At the end of the day, they are your children, not his. I definitely hear your emotional pain and sense of helplessness and hopelessness. Your husband has repeatedly shown you who he is but you continue to seem surprised. My question is, why? As long as you expect something from a person who has never given you what you want and need, you are going to be disappointed. I highly recommend that you seek individual therapy to work your through the abuse and other issues. Your marriage should not feel like you are at a funeral and just waiting for the final burial. You do not have to die but you must kill some of the emotional baggage. --Dr. Sherry
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