You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
I feel like I continue to have a battle struggle in my mind, heart, and soul of brokenness. My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for almost 10. Right after I had my son, I found out about my husband's affair. He messed around with another woman who knew enough about me which tells me I was the topic of conversation between them. I was devastated of course but especially because I was very clear and upfront when he and I met about being cheated on and how that would change the way I am towards a person. We managed to work things out and I tried to move on from this so we could live out our lives.
But on more then one occasion, women will ask my husband if I am at work and continue to flirt with him and he flirts back. Sometimes he had said it's just talking and that he and these women are not doing anything sexually. The chaos stopped when we separated and he saw how easy it was for me to function without him and how hard it was for him. This situation has changed me and at times I have moments of wanting to disappear. Please help. I feel all alone in this struggle.
You have been badly wounded emotionally by your husband and he has continued to sprinkle salt on the cuts. This has resulted in you feeling broken and struggling in your heart, mind, and soul . Ten years or more is a long time to feel broken. It is very hard to move on as if nothing has happened when there has been no honest discussion to clear the air or heal the cuts. This is made even harder when you know that flirting has continued. It is not surprising that your husband tries to convince you that nothing has happened. Where there is smoke, there is usually fire and it seems as if there has been obvious smoke for years. The fact that the “chaos”stopped when you separated is a clear indicator that there was more than smoke. The question for you is, do you want this marriage? Your feeling of brokenness or moments of wanting to disappear suggest that it is time to focus on yourself. Your husband’ s issues are his issues and not yours. You must take time to emotionally take care of yourself in order to deal with the brokenness. I suggest you seek individual therapy to process issues in order to heal and decide what you really want to do. You have the power to heal and stop the emotional struggle. Life is to short to be unhappy!
-- Dr. Sherry
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