This reader let her friends’ opinions cloud her judgment and overplayed her hand with a new guy she liked. Now he’s over it, but she’s not.
You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I’ve decided to date again after five years of not seeing anyone. I noticed this guy used to come to my job every weekend and he would say really sweet things, but I still didn’t respond. Then one day I decided to get back into the dating game. I decided this guy was going to be the one I wanted to date, so we did, and as time went on, I began talking to friends about this him. They asked if he is committed, how often he calls and how often we go out together. I learned that he is a recluse, so it wasn’t a problem for me until I allowed their words to affect my actions. I decided to call him up one day to talk about it, and when I did, he was already out and about and I hadn’t recieved an invite. It kind of made me emotional, so I hung up the phone with him and sent him a text that said: “Apparently you’re not ready for me, because I require a little more attention.” He replied: “Ok have a nice life.” I wasn’t expecting that response, because I just wanted him to give me more of his time. When I tried to start over he said you only get one chance with me. Should I leave it alone? What can I do to try and get him to give me another chance?
Sorry From My Heart
If you are going to play the dating game, you must first know the rules. Rule number one is, do not chase a man and want him more than he wants you. You are trying to hold on to something you never had. You seemed to be expecting a whole lot from this guy that you might have had only a few dates with. A few dates do not equal a relationship. You overplayed your hand when you sent him that message. It is apparent that you were not expecting or ready for his response. His response was a clear indication that you did not have a relationship, but merely a few dates between you. I am not sure how you define dating, but dating and being a recluse are contradictory concepts. His failure to take you out does not mean that he was not going out. He has made it clear that he is not interested in you. Given this, it is time to move on with your life. Why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? I suggest that you seek some therapy to process self esteem issues and to look at how you are approaching dating moving forward. If you believe and want more, do not settle for less! — Dr. Sherry
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