A reader ponders whether or not to reach out to an ex who once relied on her for a place to stay. Dr. Sherry says no way!
You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
I have met a man that I care about, and he ran into some financial troubles within the first month of our relationship. I helped him out by giving him a place to stay in my home since I had extra rooms. He stayed for six months. We split after that because I could and would no longer support him since his situation did not improve. His situation has still not improved and he pleads to come back to me because he loves and misses me dearly. When he saw I was not going for it, he told me he was going to commit suicide. I hear from him by text only now and he has stopped saying much. Looks like he’s given up on life. My question is, should I take him back in and try to help? I have no physical address for where he is now, but I suspect he is living with another woman who also wanted to help and has grown tired of him from the way he talks. What should I do about the talks of suicide? I am at a loss here. I do care and want him to get help. His family won’t help him.
Caring about a person does not mean that you are responsible for them. His financial problems started long before your relationship with him. He is a user and will use you until he has used you up. It is highly likely that he does not love you or miss you. He only loves and misses what you were doing for him. You served as his gravy train and his convenient rescuer until you decided not to be used any longer. His threat to commit suicide is his way of sucking you back in to his drama and making you feel guilty. Once again, you are not responsible for him in anyway. If he were serious about killing himself, he would have by now. If he decides to take his life it is his choice, which has nothing to do with you. Don’t think twice or feel guilty about anything you did or did not do for him. Putting him out was the best thing you did for yourself. There is a reason that his family has not helped him. The one thing you can and should do for him is text him the National Suicide Hotline number (1-800-273-8255). Once you have done that, delete his number and block it so he can not call or text you again. Let it go and move on with your life! – Dr. Sherry
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