You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I really need some expert advice. I recently met this guy and we have a really good connection and chemistry. He is 42, I'm 45, and we've been dating each other for a month. We really like each other and it seems like we want the same things out of the relationship.
When we first started dating, he was very honest and he told me that he moved back home with his parents about six or seven months ago to help his mom because she has health problems, including multiple sclerosis and diabetes. He also told me that he does not have a car. He does work and has been at his job for a year.
To be honest, I don't feel good about his situation, but at the same time I like him and we love each other's company. I've asked him about the car situation and how he would take me out. He said"he would rent a car," but he hasn't. We've been meeting at certain places and going out, and I've even taken him home a couple times. I don't want to continue to give my time to someone if the relationship isn't headed anywhere, but at the same time, these are things he can change fairly quickly if he really wanted to. Maybe I should follow my gut which is saying give him a chance, but I don't know if the relationship will be worth it in the end.
You may like this guy and you may have good chemistry but is that really enough for a relationship? At age 20 that may be enough but at age 45, I really don’t think so! Maybe it will be if your expectations are very low. If you are ready and willing to continue to be his car service and drop him off at his mama’s house, then you will be fine. You should also be prepared to take care of him financially. There is a reason that you don’t feel good about his situation. It doesn’t add up! This man is a 42 year old man without transportation and living with his parents. He has been on his job for a year which suggest that he may not be established. These are all red flags that should not be ignored. I definitely understand someone moving back home to help take care of their mother, especially if they do not have a career. But, there is more to his story than what he is sharing with you. Given that it has only been a month since you started seeing him, do more observing and listening than talking. The red flags remain but you must decide what you want in a relationship. Having good chemistry and a good connection are good for short time thrills and feel good moments. But be honest with yourself, is that really enough? --Dr. Sherry
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