There is a lot to unpack here. Will Dr. Sherry help him?

Dr. Sherry
Sep, 09, 2017

You've seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it's your turn to sit in her chair...

Dear Dr. Sherry,

I am a 60-year-old man who has been in a failed marriage of 28 years. For the last eight to nine years, I've spent 95% of the my time in my bedroom staring at the walls worrying about my children and how the decisions I've made affect their well-being.

Shortly after I married my wife, she started cheating on me and since in a nutshell she has financially ruined us. We've been in deep debt twice including one time when I was away in the Navy and came home to find out we were $20,000 in debt on credit cards. I made a commitment that I would not leave my children which I know now was a very bad decision because it has manifested in their lives.

My wife is not mentally stable and I did not know her well when we were married. I knew her for about 6 months and overtime I found out that she is a cheater, a thief, a drug addict and the list goes on. Our relationship has driven me to the point of being suicidal and I know I need help but financially I can't afford to see a psychiatrist but I am trying to do so now. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and PTSD but that list goes on as well.

No matter what I do, she does whatever she wants to without thinking anything through financially and it drives me insane. I know what I need to do but because I feel like I just can't do anything without triggering her, so where do I go from here? Please help me understand what to do. Because no matter what I do or say my estranged wife does whatever she wants whenever she pleases and we can barely put food on the table. 

Signed,

Broken heart and pockets

Hello there sir, 

You have spent almost half of your life in a "failed" marriage. You stated that you married your wife about six months after meeting her and did not know her very well. It sounds like it did not take long to discover who she really was. My question is why did you stay in the marriage after you found out that she was a cheater, a thief, a drug addict who ruined your family financially? You indicated that you stayed because you did not want to leave your children. Ending a marriage this does not automatically mean that you have to leave your children behind. Your relationship with your children is your relationship. Given the circumstances, it is highly likely that you may have received custody of your children. While trying to protect them, you put them in harms way of your wife's behavior. You staying in the marriage is not about your children but it is actually about you. Your wife does what she does because she can. As long as you continue to pay the bills and bail her out, she will continue to do the same thing. You can continue to stay in your room and stare at the walls and worry or you can get up and do something about it. You said that you can not afford to see a psychiatrist but I really don't think you can afford not to see one. In addition to a psychiatrist, it is highly recommended that you seek individual therapy to process and address issues that has kept you in this relationship. If you keep doing the same things you are going to get the same result.

--Dr.Sherry

 

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