Kash Doll popped out with a new man this year, and the internet can’t stop raving about it. The Detroit native, well-known for her laid-back makeup and sleek hairstyles, also debuted a new look. Since she began dating NFL player Za’Darius Smith, the rapper has been wearing her natural tresses and a bare face, which is the opposite of the aesthetic the artist typically goes for.
During a recent interview with The Shade Room, the rapper shared the reasoning behind her new look; the 36-year-old said her NFL boyfriend, 32, prefers her natural.
“My man do not want me to wear no makeup,” she said during The Shade Room interview.
The Ice Me Out artist also added that despite the Detroit Lions player preferring her natural, she is comfortable with herself in that state, too.
“I always embraced it. I’m not conceited or anything, but I do know I look good without it. I’m confident with myself,” she added.
Kash Doll’s new look has sparked online debate. Some social media users feel her new boo wanting her to look natural could indicate that he’s controlling. They may be right. But they also could be wrong.
The rapper, saying she ‘always embraced it’ and is confident in herself, suggests that she’s comfortable being herself. It could even be a case where the NFL player encouraging her to embrace a more natural aesthetic helps further build her confidence. Who can be mad at that?
On the other hand, one cause for concern in Kash’s statement is her saying Za’Darius doesn’t want her to wear makeup or a weave, versus saying he prefers her not to. There’s a big difference between the two words–one is a suggestion, the other a directive. We all have preferences, and sharing those preferences isn’t inherently controlling.
However, telling someone you don’t want them to do something that is core to who they are can tow the line of controlling. Especially when it comes to a woman’s appearance. Women are constantly policed about how we present ourselves; we’re told how to wear our hair, dress, speak, and exist. In response to this pressure, we often shapeshift into whatever a man’s preference is because we think it will make us more lovable. In the process, we often lose ourselves and the most important love of all–self-love.
With that in mind, one of the greatest gifts a man can give a woman he loves is to just let her be. That means giving her the freedom to be her authentic self, whether that entails wearing makeup, acrylics, and weave, or not. Allowing a woman to show up as her full self can also foster a sense of safety, something Black women often lack in relationships. If a man can’t let a woman be her authentic self, it’s only right that he finds someone who better fits his preferences.
Another potential issue is if the NFL player shared and exerted his preference with the rapper unprovoked. It’s not uncommon for us to ask our partner’s opinion on our hair, makeup, or clothing, and there’s nothing wrong with them answering honestly. However, when your partner shares a strong opinion about your appearance that you didn’t ask for, it can create self-consciousness and have a negative effect on your self-esteem. I remember being with a man who told me he hated it when I wore fitted midi-skirts because I didn’t have a big butt. Those were my favorite types of skirts, and that unsolicited opinion made me extremely self-conscious. I will also add that the relationship was emotionally and verbally abusive.
There is nothing wrong with catering to your man’s preference if it doesn’t require self-betrayal and aligns with your values. In Kash Doll’s case, if getting dolled up is a huge part of her identity, forfeiting that to make her man happy may be a form of self-betrayal. While compromise is a natural part of love, we shouldn’t be compromising ourselves out of who we are.
I have learned from experience that I am lovable just as I am, not by everyone, but by those who are meant to love me. Many of us are happy to see Kash being loved on after leaving her relationship with the father of her kids, Tracy T. Even more, we’re hoping sis is being loved for exactly who she is and not a natural baddie version of her Smith dreamt up. If it’s the latter, I suggest he learns to love Kash how he met her—as a weave and makeup wearing boss baddie.