Mendeecees Harris does not care.
As an admitted Love and Hip Hop viewer over the years, New York and Atlanta, presently, I’ve noticed that he has an air about him that is unbothered. And while that works to cope with a lot of the drama that consistently surrounds an individual on a reality show (because you can’t let it disrupt your mental health, sure), it doesn’t work in a marriage. Especially when it’s in trouble.
In a marriage, every day is a choice to put in the work to maintain your union. Some days can be a fight. But Mendeecees doesn’t have the fight to give, because he’s never had it.
In the current season of LHHATL, his marriage to Yandy Smith-Harris is in an extremely fragile state. The type of state where he’s been found guilty of cheating cheating, and she’s been found guilty of emotionally cheating. Their communication is rough, and their chemistry, as a couple, which felt more palpable when we first met them, feels nonexistent. They don’t seem attracted to one another, and they appear stuck because of the vows they made, trying to make peace because they should, but not because that will allow things to get better. He did say last year that the commitment was keeping him around, not the love. She’s been scrapping and scraping for years for them, but after a year of feeling unhappy in the relationship because he said she was taking him for granted, he’s become distant and cold. He blocked her on social media at one point, and won’t wear his ring during rocky times. Things are just too complicated now.
That’s interesting…
It’s interesting because from the time he entered the picture on the series in New York’s Season 3 in 2013 (at the time, they were already together for six years), he’s been in legal trouble. He’s had chaotic co-parenting situations with women with whom Yandy ended up in screaming matches. He’s been locked up multiple times, the last time for four years in prison shortly after they welcomed their second child. And as of the last season or two in Atlanta, he’s been caught DM’ing and spending time around women who aren’t his wife, which she’s had to answer for constantly.
And that is where Yandy, unintentionally, went wrong. She’s been the one who could be relied on, who would make the sacrifices, to provide the explanations, while he has coasted and done whatever. The very first episode he was introduced was during the baby shower for their son, and he was barely an active participant as he discussed plans to hop from that event, to an all-white party Juelz Santa was throwing. But all 10 of her toes have been glued down for him.
Despite years of being at odds with the mothers of his children, she put aside her disdain for them to keep all of Mendeecees’ children connected to one another, keeping the family together while he was in prison. During the time he was gone, she became a successful businesswoman, ensuring their children didn’t go without. When people started coming to her about what they’d allegedly seen Mendeecees doing in the streets, in the bars, and in DMs, she got into an altercation on camera to defend him. She even went as far as to claim she was the one trolling, talking to women in his DMs. She cried on camera, calling out people’s efforts to seemingly break up her family, and meanwhile, a person making a damn good effort to do that on his own stood there looking like the lights weren’t on up there.
Yandy has handled it. Meanwhile, his focus has been on respect. This season, he even said it: “You know I take respect over love any day…put respect first.” And boy did he mean it: confronting her about how she dressed on social media, assaulting her trainer for posting pictures and videos of her working out that he deemed inappropriate, scaring her into thinking their son was in the hospital because she was working an event and unable to be reached, and not wanting her to think about helping her sister dealing with infertility conceive by donating some of her eggs, upset that she even considered it, everything has been about her showing him respect. The minute he didn’t feel like she was, he acted out. The most glaring move, as mentioned, was when he stopped wearing his wedding ring. That was the first sign he’d fully checked out. Every action since then has been confirmation of that.
Watching her cry in a recent episode when talking to her sister about how she was tired of fighting for her marriage tugged at my heartstrings. She just wants grace. She just wants to be loved and held down the way she loves and holds him down. She’s been patient through so much, as people criticized her for so long for doing so, but she did it for the good of her family, and for the love she has for him. Meanwhile, it took nothing for him to turn stony.
So often, women forgive and show loyalty almost to a fault. Despite their efforts, the warmth and understanding they feel they are owed for that loyalty are given in the bare minimum. When the Harrises were on VH1’s Couples Retreat in 2021, he gave the impression that he wouldn’t have stayed and waited for her if she were the one who went to prison for years, the way she did for him. When she recently begged him to speak up about all the stories regarding his infidelity in their marriage that she was having to deal with, he told her he couldn’t do it for her because he didn’t care what other people thought about him. And when they had a conversation during the last episode about him being cold to her during a meeting with his mom, and she walked away dejected, he let her go, enjoying his meal instead.
For so long, Mendeecees has been, as I mentioned, unbothered, including when it comes to her feelings. In many ways, it feels as though, to avoid being the bad guy because of her devotion over the years, he has been giving her the space to be the one to end things, but won’t be the one to pull the plug. It very much gives, “You can go,” which she has noted that he has told her before. However, she stays because her stance has always been one of hope; letting go is not an option. But she’s being worn down by all of it, especially now that she lacks the support of people who were supposed to be her friends (here’s looking at you Rasheeda Frost and Jessica White), who are now the people feeding the rumors on their show. She’s fighting them, him, the public embarrassment, and she’s fighting alone.
As crazy as these shows can be, to the point that you can’t help but wonder what’s real and what’s for a storyline, a lesson can still be learned from this couple. There are real dangers to being the only one fighting for a relationship. The only one making an effort. The only one planning, calling, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids — you fill in the blank. When you don’t hold the other party to certain expectations, then you’re left handling everything, including keeping the relationship afloat solo. But when the tables turn and you need them to put in the work, to forgive, to fight, they have nothing to offer.
So yeah, I understand why Yandy is tired of fighting, because she feels she’s been doing it alone for too long. This is something she’s said publicly for years, though not as impassioned as she conveys it now, so the feelings have to be even more intense privately. It’s supposed to be a simple concept: I stand by you, you stand by me. But if the signs are all there that that’s not going to be reciprocated, save the time, save the effort, save the tears. Mendeecees told her years ago that she could go, as his traumatic childhood which he hadn’t fully worked through, would allow him to move on just fine. Yandy doesn’t want to fight anymore, but Mendeecees hasn’t wanted to fight for a long time. She should take his guidance and move on, allowing him to finally hold down something on his own — even if it’s just himself.