Today is the day, Valentine’s Day!
It’s a special day to honor your loved one or yourself if you’re single. If you’re partnered, encourage yourself to step outside of your comfort zone in the bedroom. Ditch the cliches to accelerate intimacy in new creative ways, like incorporating sensory experiences. Damona Hoffman suggests trying a date that sparks nostalgia. Studies show that tapping into fond memories is bonding for a couple. “Make a scrapbook with your favorite photos of the two of you, visit significant places in your relationship, listen to music from your early days together, or even get a bouquet with the flowers you used at your wedding. The scent is the sense most tied to memory, so you can trigger these happy thoughts just by smelling a sweet, familiar smell,” she suggests.
Hoffman continues, “If things for you and your partner are feeling a little stale in the bedroom, one easy way to spice things up is to tap into all of your senses. Bring in new or familiar scents, try the feel of different fabrics on your skin, and switch up different music or soundscapes to transport you to a different time and place. New sights, sounds, and even tastes can completely revitalize your vibe. Gamify your love life! Many couples games can inspire you to try new things without it being awkward and bring back a sense of fun and exploration with your partner.”
Lastly, she believes it’s essential to put romance on your calendar. Even though scheduling sex can sound boring, it triggers your anticipation and increases adrenaline in the lead-up to the moment. “Whether it’s a couple’s weekend away or simply an afternoon delight, booking your romantic time together ensures that it will happen and not get put on the back burner if you’re tired, and you will both have something to prepare for and look forward to,” she states.
If you want to turn up the spice in a way that feels exciting and sensual, here are several ways to make this Valentine’s Day memorable, not just for the night, but for your entire relationship, from relationship expert Nikquan Lewis.
Create a Sensory Experience
This year, make Valentine’s Day more than a moment; make it an entire experience. Curate the mood with all five senses in mind:
Sight – Turn down the lights, add candles, or use a blindfold to heighten anticipation in the sexiest way.
Sound – An intentionally curated playlist can make all the difference. Sexy R&B from the 80’s and 90’s? Slow jams? Pick a genre that speaks to your connection.
Taste – Champagne, strawberries, chocolate, warm and cool items… play with flavors, textures, and temperatures that enhance pleasure. Use your imagination
Smell – Scents trigger memory and desire. A sensual body oil, perfume, and/or your favorite sexy-scented candle can shift the whole atmosphere.
Touch – Experiment with textures like silk sheets or a body massage to createa deeper connection. If you like a little pain with your pleasure, consider including kink claws, wax, and other kinky items; just educate yourself 1st to ensure enjoyment.
Bring Back the Art of Foreplay
Foreplay starts way before the bedroom. Start with sexy texts in the morning, drop a voice note telling your partner what you love about them and what you want to do to them, or build anticipation with a slow dance after dinner. The more you tease, the better the anticipation and release.
Try Something New (Because Being in a Rut is the Real Intimacy Killer)
New experiences increase experiential intimacy. When did you and your partner last try a different position, a new location like a local hotel, or a sensual game? Doing something unexpected keeps things fresh and exciting. If you’ve been curious about adding toys, talk to your partner and do it. End your Valentine’s night at your local adult toy store and have the ultimate date night. Toys are an excellent way to enhance pleasure for both of you.
Make Pleasure a Priority (Especially for Her)
Too many women have reported faking orgasms, and that’s a problem. This Valentine’s Day, focus on pleasure, not just performance. Take your time, communicate your desires, and ensure both partners feel pleasure. A simple way to start is by asking your partner, “What brings you the most pleasure?” and listening.
Build Emotional Intimacy Outside the Bedroom
Great sex is more than a bomb technique—it’s rooted in trust, vulnerability, and connection. If there are unresolved issues outside the bedroom, it will show up inside it. Take time to check in emotionally. Ask each other:
Do you feel safe and secure with me? What can I do to increase those feelings?
What makes you feel most loved by me?
What’s one thing we can do to enhance intimacy?
What turns you on mentally, not just physically?
Deeper emotional connection always leads to better intimacy.
Play Together, Not Just in the Bedroom
Flirt. Laugh. Try new experiences outside of sex. The more playfulness and fun you bring into your relationship, the stronger your intimacy becomes if you are intentional about having fun and a sensual connection. That will protect the intimate connection and prevent your partner from ending up in the friend zone. Schedule a date night that isn’t just dinner—take a dance class, try a couples massage, or plan a weekend getaway. When you nurture your bond outside the bedroom, everything inside gets better.
According to Lewis, healthy Black love is magical, and we deserve a love that transforms. “This Valentine’s Day, be intentional about showing up for each other—not just for one night, but for a lifetime. Pleasure is your birthright, connection is your power, and love is something you should create daily,” she says.