In my purse I have a set of child’s 3D glasses, fruit snacks and scratch and sniff pencils.
As soon as I step in the house, my phone is commandeered.
Speaking of my phone, it has some weird substance on the screen that I can’t get off.
Saturday nights are spent updating chore charts.
When I look for vacations, I look for places with kid’s clubs and wading pools.
I have less than 5 minutes to do my makeup at home (which is why I do it at work).
Whip cream is a mandatory grocery item.
I spend two hours at the grocery store and people just look at me like they ‘understand.’
Parties for me are no more than two hours and I always go home with a goody bag.
All my best jokes are suddenly corny.