Who says you have to rely on a partner for pleasure?
Self-orgasm, often referred to as solo pleasure, is an essential aspect of sexual wellness that offers significant benefits for both the body and mind, according to sexologist, Dr. Shamyra Howard. “Physically, it promotes relaxation, improves sleep, relieves stress, and even supports immune function by reducing cortisol levels. It can also enhance circulation, strengthen pelvic floor muscles, and help individuals explore their pleasure preferences without external pressure,” she suggests. In a 2024 menopause study conducted by Lovehoney group’s Womanizer Brand and The Kinsey Institute, 1 in 10 women reported they engaged in self-pleasure, specifically masturbation, to manage some symptoms of menopause.
She believes that self-orgasm or self-pleasure is a form of mental and emotional self-care. It releases endorphins and oxytocin, our body’s natural mood boosters. These endorphins help reduce anxiety and foster a deeper connection with oneself. Self-orgasm can also improve body confidence and sexual autonomy, which are crucial for overall well-being.
According to Dr. Nikki Coleman, self-orgasms are so vital to a woman’s overall sexual health! When a woman has intimate knowledge of her own body and how it responds to pleasure, she is empowered in her sense of self. “Experiencing self-orgasms provides a sense of confidence and reinforces a sense of pleasure worthiness. In addition, women who know what pleases them are much more likely to experience orgasm in partnered sex. It is not an uncommon experience for women who have only had partnered sex with cisgender men to either not know if they have experienced orgasm or never achieve one,” she says.
According to Dr. Jacqueline Sherman, self-orgasms are:
- Pleasurable orgasms created from solo sexual stimulation and arousal.
- Includes sexual exploration of your genitals, and clitoris (the pleasure center of the female body).
- Are self-orgasms for the body or mind?
- Self-orgasms are for both your mind and body. The brain is your biggest sex organ. Self-orgasm is a skill that you can teach your body to create, but your brain must first be trained to become open to receiving pleasure.
Helpful tips for self-orgasms from Howard:
Create a pleasure ritual that leaves your body relaxed and primed to cum before attempting a self-orgasm. For example, you can listen to erotica, fantasize about your best sexual experience, or explore your erogenous zones.
Pro Tip: Add a sex toy to your pleasure ritual for extra stimulation. This will increase your likelihood of becoming multi-orgasmic!
For those looking to explore solo pleasure more intentionally to facilitate self orgasm, here are a few tips:
Start with Mindfulness: Approach self pleasure as a moment of self-connection rather than just a means to an end. Don’t just focus on the orgasm, focus on the entire body experience. Set the mood! Think about what you’re thinking about.
Explore Sensation: Use your hands, breath, and different pressures to understand what feels best for you. Focus on what I call TTP; texture, temperature, and pressure.
Texture: What does the texture of different body parts feel like on your hand and skin?
Temperature: Are different parts of your body warmer than others? Explore that.
Pressure: Touch yourself using different tempos, firmer grasps, pushes, and pulls.
Enhance the Experience: Consider incorporating lubricants (specifically water based if silicone sex toys are used), different textures such as warm and/or cold towels, or even guided erotic meditation to heighten pleasure.
Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons believes that while solo sex, also known as masturbation, is a normal and healthy sexual behavior that still, unfortunately, is considered taboo. “This is a concern, because masturbation provides so many benefits for the body and mind. In my research team’s survey of Black women, 97% had masturbated in their lifetime, on average starting at age 15. They did so despite most of them receiving various negative messages that incorrectly told them it was sinful, dirty, and bad for their health and relationships. What’s promising is that some of the women received positive messages, talking about masturbation’s health benefits and ability to improve their relationships. These messages were more likely to be accurate,” she says.
According to her, solo sex can increase your sexual self-awareness by helping you know what feels pleasurable and what doesn’t. “Once you know what you like, it can help you communicate that with sexual partners. It can also help reduce aches and pain in your body. It can improve your body appreciation, especially when you aren’t only focusing on your genitals and trying to rush to orgasm, but touching and enjoying other parts of your body with the type of pressure and pace you like. Solo sex can also be a healthy way to relieve stress,” she says.