• Celebrity
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Women in Music
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
  • Fashion
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion House
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Color Files Podcast
    • Nails
    • How-To
    • Beauty Carnival-Archive
    • Dope Stuff On My Desk
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weaves
    • 4C
    • Spring Hair And Beauty
  • Love
    • Love & Sex
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Lifestyle News
    • Coronavirus: Everything You Need to Know
    • Health & Wellness
    • Holiday Gift Guide 2020
    • Unbossed Podcast
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
    • Currency Conversations
    • Your legacy
  • News
    • BLACK VOTES MATTER
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Videos
  • Events
    • WELLNESS HOUSE: YEAR OF RENEWAL
    • LEVEL UP: Entrepreneur Summit (DEC 2020)
    • Power Tools
    • SHE GOT NOW
    • Girls United Summit
    • Making Moves Now: Virtual Bootcamp
    • #EF SESSIONS
    • Dear Black Men
    • Cares Act
    • News & Announcements
  • Festival
  • Subscribe
  • Essence Studios
  • Girls United
  • NaturallyCurly
  • Shop Essence

Follow Us

Skip to content
  • Essence Studios
  • Girls United
  • NaturallyCurly
  • Shop Essence
  • Celebrity
    • Celebrity
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Women in Music
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
  • Fashion
    • Fashion
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion House
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Beauty
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Color Files Podcast
    • Nails
    • How-To
    • AVEENO® Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty Carnival-Archive
    • Dope Stuff On My Desk
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
    • Beauty News
  • Hair
    • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weaves
    • 4C
    • Spring Hair And Beauty
  • Love
    • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Lifestyle
    • Coronavirus: Everything You Need to Know
    • Health & Wellness
    • Lifestyle News
    • Holiday Gift Guide 2020
    • Netflix’s Jingle Jangle Gift Guide
    • Unbossed Podcast
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
    • Currency Conversations
    • Your Legacy
  • News
    • News
    • BLACK VOTES MATTER
    • Essence 50th Anniversary
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Videos
  • Events
    • Events
    • WELLNESS HOUSE: YEAR OF RENEWAL
    • LEVEL UP: Entrepreneur Summit (DEC 2020)
    • Power Tools
    • SHE GOT NOW
    • Girls United Summit
    • Making Moves Now: Virtual Bootcamp
    • #EF SESSIONS
    • Dear Black Men
    • Cares Act
    • News & Announcements
  • Festival
  • Subscribe
Home · How-To

How to Never Be the Accidental Side Chick Again

There’s nothing worse than thinking you're the girlfriend than realizing you’re actually the side chick. Live by these rules and avoid the drama.

By The Matchmaking Duo · August 3, 2016October 27, 2020
01
Worst Feeling Ever

There’s nothing worse than realizing you’re the side chick when you thought you were his girlfriend. Here’s how to make sure it never happens again.

Getty Images
02
Stop allowing him to come over to your house for “dates”.

We know your place or his may be cozy and comfy where you can let your hair down and watch “netfix and chill” but the cons to this are, nobody ever sees you out in public. You are not diversifying your experiences together. You will always be the girl h

Getty Images
03
You don’t have to be available every time he calls.
We understand sometimes it gets lonely and you have developed feelings for this man. When the phone rings and that favorite photo of him that you have stored by his name appears, your face lights up and butterflies begin to flutter in your belly. Hey, w
Getty Images
04
Develop some hobbies and interests.
When the phone does ring, it would be nice to actually be preoccupied with things you find interesting. The reason for this is two-fold: The first is to develop a level of scarcity so he understands there is life beyond him. But also when you do get to
Getty Images
05
Share some of your interests and invite him into the mix.

Yes ladies it’s ok to ask a man out on a date or even bring some ideas to the table. Sometimes, you end up at the house because you’ve gotten comfortable and neither of you are bringing your dating A-game.  Think about the memories you would like to create with him and write them down so when he suggests coming over, you can interject with, “ I would actually like to go to dinner or a show tonight.  I have this cute little red dress I have been waiting to wear for you.” Get our drift.

Getty Images
06
When the conversation turns sexual, change it.

When his texting veers outside of your comfort zone, we encourage you to change the conversation and go in a different direction. Interject with topics that interest you and other fun conversation such as travel, concerts and movies until he gets the hint. The goal here is for sex not to be the focus of your relationship. Show him what else you’ve go. 

Getty Images
07
Share your end game with him.

We believe you should be transparent and share with him that your ultimate goal is to be in a monogamous relationship and eventually married someday with a family of your own.  You don’t have time to waste on someone who is not on the same sheet of music or rowing the same as you. If you are afraid you will run him off with this conversation, you would rather him run than waste your time.

Getty Images
08
Hold yourself to a higher standard.

Let’s face it, we teach people how to treat us. If you are confident, respect yourself and your body, all will fall in line and those who don’t, probably didn’t have the best intentions anyway.

09
Re-evaluate your relationship goals and dream again.

If you haven’t discovered it yet, life is short.  Think about why you’re allowing this relationship to continue this way and what will change if you don’t step in and require more.  As it stands today, what is his incentive to treat you any differently? What is your biggest fear? Is it that you will be alone forever? Is it that you’ve now invested so much time that it’s exhausting to think of starting over? We would encourage you to start dreaming again. Clear your mind and think about what you’ve always wanted in a relationship and even do a vision board with how you want your love life to look. Find the courage to seek out exactly what you want, whether that means requiring more of the one you’re with or eventually moving on.

Getty Images
10
Live Your Best Life

Overall we want our sisters to have fun dating and create memories with a deserving man as you live your best life. You’re beautiful, intelligent, and have a lot to offer so don’t be confined to the house as someone’s secret.  Remember we’re rooting for you and you are the prize! For additional questions or coaching with The Matchmaking DUO please contact us at TheMatchmakingDuo.com. Here’s to LOVE!

Getty Images
11
Meet The Matchmaking Duo

Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking is an exclusive agency of “heart hunters” led by The Matchmaking DUO™ (Kelli Fisher & Tana Gilmore). They provide matchmaking services personally designed to accommodate busy, successful professionals who are seeking long-term love. They pride themselves on giving their clients a lot of what they want, and even more of what they need. For more advice from them visit their site or follow them on Facebook or Twitter.

The Matchmaking Duo

Read More

Op-Ed
Biden Should Add 'The CAREN Act' to His List of Executive Ac...
News
An Inauguration Day of ‘History and Hope’
Ledisi And Columbus Short To Play Mahalia Jackson And Martin...
News
Rihanna, Reagan Gomez, And More React To Trump Being Out Of ...
Entertainment
Twitter Wants Janelle Monáe To Be The Next Willy Wonka, Her...
COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2021 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now