“To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven.
Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now.
If you love, you live now.”
It’s that time of year again, when every thing will soon be available in red, intentionally to lure our attention to February 14th, a day set aside to honor love. Most of the commercial advertisements are designed to focus us on the love of and in romantic partnerships. We are force-fed images of colorful bouquets, chocolate covered strawberries, teddy bears, lingerie and any number of other kinds of gifts we are seduced into expecting from those who profess to love us. Seldom, if ever, do we see any hype to love up on ourselves during this time. Yet it is self-love that makes it possible for us to experience the love extended to us by another human being.
Self-love. Self-love. Self-love. We hear about it from every self-help expert, guru and pulpit we turn to seeking answers. Yet it remains elusive for so many of us. Recently sitting with Durek Vurrett, a highly sought after gifted Shaman and healer, I posed these questions to him: What does it really mean to love ourselves? How do we do it? His answer was striking in its simplicity and powerful for the very same reason. “The way you really love yourself is to let go of the idea of who you think you should be.”
How many of us miss loving up on ourselves by pointing out and keeping a checklist of all the ways we believe we fall short of being worthy of our own love? If I were thinner, smarter, prettier, more talented or decisive or recognized and celebrated. The list goes on and on and prevents us from accepting ourselves as we are. It also strangles our ability to love ourselves wholly and consistently. I remember reading a long time ago a quote that loosely said there is no one who has been more unkind to us that we are to ourselves. What messages do you keep on repeat in your head that cultivates disdain rather than self-love? Are these messages filled with the energy of judgment? Resentment? Anger?
In conversation with Shaman Durek, he said to me, “Neycha, at the core of all energy is love. You cannot be a vessel that gives out love if you’re not willing to fill yourself up.” We must practice reducing every negative feeling to its lowest common denominator of love and freeing ourselves to move into acceptance—of others and of ourselves. This practice helps us to eliminate expectations and allows the flow of life and love to move without resistance. When we operate from a space of acceptance, we become much more capable of filling ourselves up, and not expectant of another person, or their gifts or praise to do it for us.
Your Crossfade Tip(s): The V-Day Remix.
I encourage you this week as Valentines Day approaches to remix the day and set your attention and intentions on the task of loving yourself more completely and filling your own vessel.
Buy yourself flowers. Date yourself. Forgive yourself. Encourage yourself. Fall in love with you. Become your own biggest fan. Love who you are as you are. Make the act of self-acceptance a daily practice. Everything else follows you loving you. Now.