Was It Something You Said?

Was It Something You Said?
ESSENCE.COM Mar, 09, 2009

1 of 10

Our relationship expert, FINESSE MITCHELL, reveals red-flag statements that make men want to cut and run, whether it’s date number one or one hundred.

Remember, saying the first thing that comes to mind could give your guy second thoughts.

2 of 10 Getty Image

You Said: “Baby, are you hanging out with the guys tonight again?”

3 of 10 Getty Image

Why He Got Nervous:Men try to maintain the freedom of coming and going as we please as long as we can. Even guys who have been thinking about settling down never go without a fight. Still, we’re aware we can’t have a phenomenal woman on one arm and a buddy who saves his dollar bills for the strip club on the other.

What You Need to Add:
“Tell your friends I said hello, have a good time, and be safe.” I know it’s not easy. But, ladies, you need to trust that your guy will do the right thing.

4 of 10 Corbis

You Said: “The last guy I dated? His idea of fine dining was Mickey D’s!”

5 of 10 Getty Image

Why He Got Nervous:Even if you were kidding, your date sees visions of five-star restaurants—not to mention Louis Vuitton handbags—dancing in your head. Men stress about dating a woman who may be out of their league incomewise. Plus, broke brothers usually talk a good game. So it’s not uncommon for sophisticated, high-income women to fall for handsome, tapped-out guys.

What You Should Do Instead: Don’t let a guy think you’re materialistic from the jump. Skip talking about what the last guy couldn’t do for you, and don’t ask about his job. A date or two will reveal a man’s spending habits—and a woman’s taste.

6 of 10 Corbis

You Said: “I dated my ex until I found out he was cheating and got some chick pregnant.”

7 of 10 Corbis

Why He Got Nervous:
He didn’t hear you won’t stand for a brother who steps out. He read between the sheets and got worried that he might catch a sexually transmitted infection from you. Monogamous men who have been practicing safe sex usually take pride in knowing that they are STI-free.

What You Need to Add:
“I headed to the doctor’s the next day.” You’ve got to let him know you checked out okay after your ex’s escapades.

8 of 10 Corbis

You Said: “If I even see you talking to another woman, there’s going to be a problem.”

9 of 10 Corbis

Why He Got Nervous: The clenched teeth. The icy stare. The neck swirl. Why wouldn’t a brother get nervous? But what you don’t know is that you’re dishing out a heavy helping of attitude when he’s not even hungry. If you’ve dated men in the past who were disloyal, realize that your past is dragging you down.

What You Need to Add: Tone is more important than words. We all have jokingly said things that we seriously meant deep down. Most statements come off much better with a wink and a smile than with a scowl.

10 of 10 Corbis

Do you agree with Finesse? Has your mouth scared off a good man in the past?

Share your story below!